How Can I Forgive?

Yesterday, I wrote about a story that Ed Laymance included in his eBook, Not Against Flesh and Blood, which showed how forgiving others can give us true freedom.

So how can you do this, especially if someone has hurt you deeply?

Laymance gives the following steps in his book:

1. Begin by asking God to bring to mind anyone you need to forgive. Ask yourself, "Is there anyone, living or dead that I feel owes me something? Am I holding a grudge or bitterness against someone? do I carry disappointment with me? Is there anyone, living or dead, who hurt me or harmed me and I'm wearing that hurt?"

2. On a pad of paper make a list of the names God brings to mind. Don't be surprised if your name is on the list. You may be carrying guilt or shame for something you allowed. Don't be surprised if God's name is on the list. You may be confused, angry, or hurt that God allowed bad things to happen to you or someone you love. After five to ten minutes, you will have a list.

3. Tear off that page and set it aside. Start with any name on your list and put that name at the top of a clean sheet of paper. Then ask God to show you what it is about this person that you need to release.

4. Write down everything that comes to mind. This is not a novel, so you need not start at the beginning of the relationship and work forward. One thought will connect with another. Write what comes. Use words, phrases, paragraphs, and symbols--however you want to do this. This is for no one's eyes but yours, so be brutally honest. Hold nothing back.

5. some of what you write will be connected to other people on your list. Just make a note by their name; you will add this to their list later. Keep on task with one person at a time.

6. This is pretty emotional stuff, so you will need to take an occasional break. Take a walk, blow your nose, hit a pillow, get a drink--but stay with it until you feel you are done.

7. What you're going to do next may seem silly or stupid. do it anyway. This is a very important step. Make sure you are alone and no one can hear you. Imagine the person you've been writing about is sitting in a chair close by. You need to stand, so you can walk around. I want you to see yourself as a judge. What you have written is a list of indictments against that person. As judge, read out loud everything you've written; with whatever emotions you feel; using whatever words and volume you need to use. This is "no holds barred", "up close and personal", "in the face", "full force"! Don't be "Christian" or "appropriate". Let 'em have it! Include any additional things that come to mind. Say exactly what you feel.

8. Some of what you've written only needs to be said once. Some of what you've written needs to be said more than once. Say what you've written until it no longer needs to be said--a hundred times if necessary. One of the reasons you've been carrying this stuff is because it needed to be said, and you needed hear yourself say it - without debate, rebuttal, excuse, or explanation from the one who hurt you.

9. When you get to the last word on the last page, having expressed all emotions you needed to express, as judge, declare out loud, "Guilty as charged!"

10. Then as judge, declare out loud, "Case dismissed!"

11. Next, pray, "Holy Father, I do not feel like dismissing this (because you don't!), but I don't want to be controlled by this way any longer. I choose to forgive and release it to you. I choose to "flush". Now, help me walk away from how I feel and enjoy the sweet smell of freedom! Amen."

12. Destroy what you've written as a physical representation to yourself that the case has been dismissed. Dig a hole and bury it, burn it, shred it, whatever feels good. One person I helped said when they were finished with everyone on their list, in addition to destroying what they had written, they wrote each name on an individual sheet of toilet paper and flushed each one. What a great idea!

13. Repeat this process until you have an "emotional funeral" for everyone on your list. Don't stop until you have flushed everything. One inch of raw sewage in the house is better than six inches, but the house still stinks!

Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.

Luke 11:4

Forgive and be Free

I am reading an interesting e-Book written by Ed Laymance titled, Not Against Flesh and Blood.

In one section of the book he reminds the reader of the importance of forgiving others. This is a story he told which illustrates this principle very well:

A woman was abducted, raped, robbed, shot and left for dead. When the abductor shot her he put a gun to her head intending instant death. She jerked at the last moment. The bullet went sideways. He ran off and was never found. She survived the attach and endured months of surgeries and rehab.

She was interviewed by a reporter about three to four years after the attach. In the middle of the interview the reporter commented how she must really hate the man that put her through all this. Her response was, "I once did, but not any more." When the reporter asked for an explanation she replied, "For a long time I was consumed with revenge and justice. I wanted him caught. I wanted him to endure all the pain and suffering he had inflicted on me. I could think of nothing else. Them one day it occurred to me. That man robbed me of one night of my life. I decided I was not going to give him one more day!"

What great words! We must remember, unforgiveness can fester inside of us and actually cause us to be ill. When we forgive, we are actually setting ourselves free!

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Matthew 6:14

Fear Not!

Check out this 92 year old woman, Pauline Jacoby...she is incredible.

What can we learn from her?

1. There is no need to fear, Jesus is with us and will protect us when we call on Him.
2. God's word is an extremely effective weapon. No guns or pepper spray needed.
3. Forgiveness is very powerful.
4. Praying for others can immediately soften their hearts.
5. Humility is very refreshing.
6. God can use any situation to impact someone's life.

Way to go Pauline!

Second Chance

I'll bet you can name five or six of them right now without even thinking. Celebrities, politicians or athletes who have been caught in some sort of scandal and denied it or blamed someone else. You probably even know some people personally who have done this. Heck, you may have even done this...I know I have.

I have to tell you that, even before his dog-fighting scandal, I have never been a huge Michael Vick fan. However, after this past weekend my opinion of him is rising.

I didn't see his interview on 60 Minutes last night but I did record it and plan on watching it soon. I did catch part of his press conference on Friday in which he was introduced as a new member of the Philadelphia Eagles.

I was impressed. Contrary to most people in the spotlight these days, I saw a guy who appeared to be genuinely sorry for his actions. I saw someone who humbly is accepting responsibility for his actions, is asking for forgiveness and is very grateful for a second chance.

Though there are still those who will not forgive him and are protesting his re admittance into the NFL, it's amazing what an attitude like that does to help public opinion. Imagine what that could do for you when you make a mistake.

When we make a mistake, we can learn from this and do the following things:
1. Admit it and accept responsibility.
2. Apologize to God and to those who were hurt and ask for forgiveness.*
3. Decide to repent and walk away from this action in the future.

*God will forgive us, but if the offended party doesn't forgive us, that is their issue. If we do these things, we are set free.

Forgiveness and Trust

I am a big proponent on forgiveness, in fact I often talk at length about it when I speak to groups. I believe it is an essential trait to practice as a leader.

However, I don't believe that forgiveness and trust are the same. I believe you can receive forgiveness but you need to earn trust. I have often heard, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

With that in mind, I was dismayed to see the article in The Toledo Blade yesterday stating that Timothy Geithner was confirmed as President Barack Obama's new Treasury Secretary despite having not paid all of his taxes for three years in a row. Even The Toledo Blade, a very liberal paper, started the article in this manner:

WASHINGTON — The Senate on Monday evening confirmed New York Federal Reserve Bank chief Timothy Geithner as President Barack Obama's treasury secretary despite tax problems that might have sunk his nomination in less desperate times.

I believe that Mr. Geithner should be forgiven; however, I am not sure he has earned the trust of the American people yet (at least he hasn't earned my trust) and I don't believe he should be in such a powerful position until he has. I believe that leaders are held to a higher standard than others. This case is no exception.

Any thoughts?

Math Question = Forgiveness

A backhoe weighing 22 tons is on top of a lowboy trailer heading east on Interstate 70 near Hays, Kansas.

The extended shovel arm is made of hardened refined steel and the approaching overpass is made of commercial-grade concrete, re-enforced with 1 1/2 inch steel rebar spaced at 6 inch intervals in a criss-cross pattern layered at 1 foot vertical spacing.

Solve: When the shovel arm hits the overpass, how fast does the driver have to be going to slice the bridge in half ? Assume no effect for headwind and no braking by the driver.

Extra Credit: Solve for the time and distance required for the entire rig to come to a complete stop after hitting the overpass at the speed calculated above. Yes, you can neglect friction.










I couldn't solve it either, but who cares!

Just remember this the next time someone around you makes a mistake and know that mistakes can and will happen...and most of them won't be as costly as the one above!

So forgive easily!

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Matthew 6:14-15