The Trap of Isolation

I have the amazing privilege of leading an organization called Truth at Work in the Toledo area. In Truth at Work we put together roundtable groups of business leaders who act as a board of advisors to one another to help each other to grow their businesses while at the same time helping them to grow personally and spiritually. These are extremely powerful.

Yesterday, our 2nd Tuesday group met (they meet the 2nd Tuesday of every month) for the usual four hour meeting. Once again, it was incredible.

We had a new member join the group and he was in attendance for the first time. He was someone whom I had spoken to about Truth at Work about 15 months earlier and he kept putting it off because he said he couldn't focus on anything with the economy doing what it was doing. Besides, he said he wouldn't be able to afford anything else anyway.

Immediately after the meeting, he came up to me and said, "I wish I had gotten involved in this when you first told me about this. I had no idea how helpful this would be to me!"

I know what he was feeling. He felt like he just took a big drink after being in the desert for days. He felt like he was no longer alone. He felt encouraged.

This is not a surprise. In 1 Peter 5 we are told that the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Whenever I have watched a lion chasing its prey on TV, let's say a zebra, I see the lion going after the zebra that is by itself because that one is seen as weaker and more vulnerable. So, the devil tries to isolate us so he can devour us. In fact, the word "devil" actually means to tear or divide.

I encourage you that when you are feeling like you don't want to be around anyone for long periods of time, to fight through that feeling and gather among friends. Especially if those friends can encourage you, hold you accountable and provide you with wise counsel.

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Hebrews 10:25

12-3-1

Yesterday, Dean, my pastor shared with us about Jesus and the model He gave us for relationships. He said that in Jesus' outer circle were many people. One circle inside of that contained less people who regularly heard Jesus’ teachings. One circle inside that one contained His 12 disciples. Then inside of that was a circle of three: John, James and Peter. Then there was one more circle which contained John.

Jesus spent more time with each group of people as He went toward the middle. John, He shared everything with. John is actually referred to as the one He loved (John 19:26-27 among other places). It wasn’t that Jesus didn’t love anyone else—that is totally not true. It was just that John had a special relationship with Jesus. He was the one Jesus let get closer than any other.

Dean went on to say that this is an excellent model for each of us. 12-3-1. It would be good for each of us to have a group of around 12 people who have access to our lives and that we can “do life” with. Further, it would be great to have 2-3 people who can keep us on track. Then, to have one who has complete access to our life would be wonderful. We were meant to do life together, in community.

There were eight friendship roles discussed that we should each look for in our lives:

1. Coach – Who brings out the best in me?
2. Thinking – Who challenges my mind?
3. Listening – Who hears my dreams and my heart?
4. Sympathetic – Who cries with me?
5. Laughing – Who belly-laughs with me?
6. Correcting – Who respects me?
7. Playing – Who has fun with me?
8. Seeking – Who deepens my faith?

Answering these questions was a great exercise for me for two reasons. One, it showed me how incredibly blessed I am with the people that God has placed in my life. And, two, it revealed a couple of gaps that I have in my relationship roles that I need to fill.

I encourage you to answer these questions, then to seek to fill in the gaps.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17

Accountability

In my post on Friday I talked about the different faces we all have: the public face, the private face and the personal face. I mentioned that the closer these three faces are to one another the more healthy we are and the more integrity we will have.

Saying we are going to work on this is one thing. Actually doing something about it is another.

One of the things I do for a living is to lead monthly roundtable groups of Christian business leaders. As part of each four hour session, we include a time of accountability. During this time, each member is to share what they want to accomplish during this next month in their personal life and in their business. They will then give a report next month on how they did. If they got it done, we celebrate. If not, they pay a penalty which is usual a stiff financial fine. This drives true change!

I bring this up because as humans, we all have a tendency to do the easy things first and to let the tough things slide. Bringing our three faces in line with one another is definitely not an easy thing and it is certainly not a natural thing for us to do. So, we will need help. We will need accountability.

We all need people in our lives who we can share everything with, who will love us anyway and will care enough about us that they will hold us accountable to doing what is right.

Do you have 1-3 people like this in your life? If not, I encourage you to seek them out.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17

Nothing to Hide

I started in my men's accountability group/bible study six years ago. I was terrified the first day. I had no idea what to expect.

I was a guy who kept everything to himself. I wanted everyone to think that everything was going great and that I had no issues. I was a walking facade.

When we began, guys began to share some pretty intimate details about their life, including their issues. My immediate thought was that this was pretty weird. But I have to admit, a part of me was saying this was really cool.

It came my turn to share. I surprised myself by revealing some things that I had been holding on to and trying to carry all by myself.

Immediately afterwards, I felt a tremendous relief, as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I remember calling my wife after the meeting and saying, "What have I been doing all my life without this!" It provided that much relief to me.

I have now come to a place where I realize that everyone has issues. Some are bigger than others, yet we all have 'em. Even Tiger Woods.

Tiger was involved in a minor car accident a few days ago in his driveway which seems pretty strange. He has remained silent about it which has added more fuel to the fire in the media. Yesterday, however, he released an apology of sorts:

"I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart," Woods said on his Web site. "I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone."

I am sure Tiger feels a bit better after releasing this apology; however, I bet he still feels like he is in a prison of sorts because he is trying to keep whatever happened hidden.

There are now rumors of marital infidelity on Woods' part. Even if this is true, I believe Tiger would feel much more free if it was out in the open. Only when it is brought into the light can true healing take place.

I know that Tiger has a lot more at stake than I do or just about anyone else and it's real easy for me to say this, not being in his shoes. However, just because he is one of the most famous people on earth, does not mean that certain axioms don't apply to him. One such axiom that applies here is this one that a good friend of mine shared with me, "When you've got nothing to hide, you are the most free person in the world."

"For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open."

Luke 8:17