Doing Life Together

Tuesday morning as I was leaving a breakfast meeting, I ran into an extremely nice lady whom I grew up across the street from. Though her husband has passed away several years ago, she still lives in the same house.

I hadn't seen her in several years so it was great to catch up. She looked absolutely great and she seemed in very good spirits. She mentioned to me that she was there for a breakfast meeting of her own. She shared with me that she's been meeting with the same ladies every week for breakfast for close to 50 years. She mentioned that three of her group have passed away but the remaining four still visit.

That's right, once each week they converge on the same restaurant to be with one another. Even if they don't feel like it and even if they are busy. She said, "Through rain, sleet or snow, we are here at 9 AM every Tuesday." It is obviously that important to them. Perhaps this might explain why she looked so great and was (and always has been since I've known her) in such a positive mood.

A great lesson for each of us. We were meant to do life in community. So who are you doing life with?

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:25

The Trap of Isolation

I have the amazing privilege of leading an organization called Truth at Work in the Toledo area. In Truth at Work we put together roundtable groups of business leaders who act as a board of advisors to one another to help each other to grow their businesses while at the same time helping them to grow personally and spiritually. These are extremely powerful.

Yesterday, our 2nd Tuesday group met (they meet the 2nd Tuesday of every month) for the usual four hour meeting. Once again, it was incredible.

We had a new member join the group and he was in attendance for the first time. He was someone whom I had spoken to about Truth at Work about 15 months earlier and he kept putting it off because he said he couldn't focus on anything with the economy doing what it was doing. Besides, he said he wouldn't be able to afford anything else anyway.

Immediately after the meeting, he came up to me and said, "I wish I had gotten involved in this when you first told me about this. I had no idea how helpful this would be to me!"

I know what he was feeling. He felt like he just took a big drink after being in the desert for days. He felt like he was no longer alone. He felt encouraged.

This is not a surprise. In 1 Peter 5 we are told that the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Whenever I have watched a lion chasing its prey on TV, let's say a zebra, I see the lion going after the zebra that is by itself because that one is seen as weaker and more vulnerable. So, the devil tries to isolate us so he can devour us. In fact, the word "devil" actually means to tear or divide.

I encourage you that when you are feeling like you don't want to be around anyone for long periods of time, to fight through that feeling and gather among friends. Especially if those friends can encourage you, hold you accountable and provide you with wise counsel.

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Hebrews 10:25

12-3-1

Yesterday, Dean, my pastor shared with us about Jesus and the model He gave us for relationships. He said that in Jesus' outer circle were many people. One circle inside of that contained less people who regularly heard Jesus’ teachings. One circle inside that one contained His 12 disciples. Then inside of that was a circle of three: John, James and Peter. Then there was one more circle which contained John.

Jesus spent more time with each group of people as He went toward the middle. John, He shared everything with. John is actually referred to as the one He loved (John 19:26-27 among other places). It wasn’t that Jesus didn’t love anyone else—that is totally not true. It was just that John had a special relationship with Jesus. He was the one Jesus let get closer than any other.

Dean went on to say that this is an excellent model for each of us. 12-3-1. It would be good for each of us to have a group of around 12 people who have access to our lives and that we can “do life” with. Further, it would be great to have 2-3 people who can keep us on track. Then, to have one who has complete access to our life would be wonderful. We were meant to do life together, in community.

There were eight friendship roles discussed that we should each look for in our lives:

1. Coach – Who brings out the best in me?
2. Thinking – Who challenges my mind?
3. Listening – Who hears my dreams and my heart?
4. Sympathetic – Who cries with me?
5. Laughing – Who belly-laughs with me?
6. Correcting – Who respects me?
7. Playing – Who has fun with me?
8. Seeking – Who deepens my faith?

Answering these questions was a great exercise for me for two reasons. One, it showed me how incredibly blessed I am with the people that God has placed in my life. And, two, it revealed a couple of gaps that I have in my relationship roles that I need to fill.

I encourage you to answer these questions, then to seek to fill in the gaps.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17

Gather Together

I went for a walk late yesterday afternoon through my neighborhood and the neighborhood next door. As I turned a corner I heard what sounded like thousands of birds chirping. I looked around and spotted them all huddled together at the top of a tree. It wasn’t a thousand, but there were at least a hundred up there.

As I walked I thought that it was interesting that I didn’t see one single bird over here and another over there and one behind me. They were all gathered together. Kind of like how we are supposed to be.

1 Peter 5:8 tells us that Satan is like a roaring lion who roams around looking for someone to devour.

On any animal shows I have ever watched, when a predator (like a lion) is hunting it usually goes after the prey which is by itself. Those who are in a pack are much more difficult to get to.

When things are not going well for us we have a natural tendency to withdraw and be by ourselves until the storm blows over. Well, this is exactly what Satan wants. He wants us to be alone so that he can act like the lion on the animal shows and devour us.

Hebrews 10:25a says, “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another…”

So gathering together is a lot more than just socializing. It is meant to protect us and to refuel our tanks, especially when we are down. So do that and encourage someone while you’re at it!

The Power of Community

As many of you know, I lead an organization in the Toledo area called Truth At Work. We work with Christian business leaders to help them to grow their organizations in a God-honoring way, while at the same time helping them to grow personally and spiritually.

This is all done through four hour long monthly roundtable meetings in which 12-15 peers act as a board of advisers to one another. As a result of these meetings many ideas are developed both on the business and personal side of things.

The thing that has become apparent to me over this past year is the incredible power of community. When things are tough, as they are now in our economy, our natural tendency is to hole up by ourselves to weather the storm. That is not what God wants from us. He wants us to do life together because he knows we need the encouragement. The way I look at it, life is like this formula:

Me + Community + God = unlimited potential

In the above video, Lynn Fruth shares that he pays a substantial sum of money each month to be a part of this group...and he'd pay ten times that amount because of what he gets out of it! I hope this encourages you to surround yourself with other Christ-centered individuals.

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12

Love and Support

As Chapter President, I get the privilege to lead three Truth At Work roundtable groups in the NW Ohio area. In these 4 hour monthly meetings, one of the hours is spent in what we call open roundtable time. During this time members will share their most pressing issues with the group in hope of getting helpful feedback from a Biblical point of view.

To begin this time, I will ask each member to tell me what their roundtable score is for the month. This is a ranking of the severity level of their issue. The two highest ranking issues are what we will spend that hour discussing...a half hour for each. In most meetings there will be an "8" or a "9" and maybe a "6" or "7".

In a recent meeting of one of our groups that has been together for 8 months, the group of 10 individuals didn't have one roundtable issue that was scored above a "5". I thought the group was "sandbagging" and holding back so I told them what I thought was going on.

One of the members responded by saying, "Jim, I have to say that, because of the love and support from this group, my '8' and '9' issues now feel like '3' and '4' issues." The rest of the group agreed.

Wow. I was not expecting that.

That really showed me the power of community. We were made to do life together!

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12

Friends

Have you ever watched Animal Planet or a similar show where a cheetah or lion is hunting a zebra or other animal? Have you ever noticed which animal the hunter goes after? It is usually the one who is isolated and not with the rest of the pack.

We have an enemy who does the same thing. In fact, 1 Peter 5:8 tells us to "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

When things are tough we have a tendency as humans to isolate ourselves...and that is exactly what our enemy wants! That makes his job much easier. That is why I was not surprised by the New York Times story written by Tara Parker-Pope in which she said that having good friends can help you to recover from illness faster, make tough jobs easier and actually help you to have a longer life.

We were made by God to be in community. Friends offer us guidance when we need it. Friends listen when we need to vent. Friends help to protect us.

So who are you doing life with?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12

Community

Last night I went in my oldest daughter's (she's 20) room to say good night and to give her a kiss. She had a friend over and they were both sitting cross-legged on the bed just talking. They had been in there for a couple of hours and when I went in it looked like they were having a blast.

I thought that was very cool. As I am getting ready to leave for a breakfast appointment with a good friend and former co-worker, I am struck by how similar both of our encounters will be.

My daughter's took place sitting in her bedroom while mine will be in a restaurant. However, they both involve community and doing life together. I am looking forward to getting together with my friend because I haven't seen him in a while and I can't wait to catch up on what is going on in his life.

It didn't used to be this way for me. I used to do my best to not let anyone in. I especially didn't want anyone to know my secrets or my failures. Once I got over myself and began to share myself, the good, the bad and the ugly, I found freedom.

I encourage you to do the same!

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12

It's The Network

It's not what you know but who you know.

I have heard that statement for years. There were times when I heard that that I felt like the person who was saying it was making excuses for their lot in life. As I have gotten older (and hopefully gained some wisdom), I have come to believe that there is a lot of truth in that statement.

To quote a cell phone company, "It's the Network."

The word "networking" typically has a negative connotation and is often viewed as something that is not for us...it is only for people with sales jobs. However, it is something that is extremely important, especially during tough economic times...regardless of your vocation. Justin Pinkerman wrote a nice article on this subject and he refutes the three common networking myths:

Myth #1: Networking is for self-promoting schmoozers.
Myth #2: Network is only for salespeople or outgoing personalities.
Myth #3: Networking, by nature, is uncomfortable, forced, and contrived.

Check it out here.

Community

Have you ever watched one of those animal shows on TV? You know, the ones where they show a cougar or lion prowling around and then pursuing it's prey? Have you ever noticed how the hunter chooses which of the animals it will attack?

It is almost always the animal that is not with the group...the one that is isolated. That is because the lion or cheetah or whatever knows that there is safety in numbers. The Bible tells us that Satan prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8b). As a result, he tries to isolate us to make his job easier.

Have you ever said, "I don't need help"? I sure have. That is pride and that is exactly what the enemy wants from us.

This weekend at church, my pastor shared how Jesus did community and it was based on the numbers 12-3-1. He chose 12 to be his friends/disciples. Of those 12, he had three who he invested even more in (James, Peter and John). And of those three, he had one that he could share anything with and that was John.

In Truth At Work we have seen the incredible power of this concept played out. Not only is there protection in being in a group, great ideas and revelation can come out of sharing together as well. Think about what could happen if 10-15 like-minded individuals committed to get together regularly to hold each other accountable and to generate ideas--very powerful.

Jesus knew that he needed community...he needed help. If that was the case for Jesus, don't you think the same holds true for us? So, who are your 12, three and one that you will allow into your life?

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12b

Who's In Your Network?

During our men's group this morning (we meet every Friday at 6 AM), one of the guys shared some pretty devastating news he received this week regarding one of his children. It broke my heart.

I know this was difficult for him to share, but I also know that he felt better for sharing it. He now knows he will have brothers praying for him and supporting him.

I was reminded of my life and how much I have grown by being involved with this group. Six years ago I never thought I would be a part of something like this. I certainly didn't want to share my troubles with anyone else because I wanted others to feel like I had it all together.

It wasn't until I experienced the freedom of being authentic in a group like this that I realized what I had been missing. The Bible tells us we are to be in community so that we can encourage others and so they can encourage us. I have witnessed the power of this in my life and in the lives of many others.

To take a line for a cell phone company, "Who's in your network?"