Connecting

Yesterday, my daughter Molly said good-bye to Jolto. Jolto was the name for her first car. Molly is moving out of town soon and does not need a car so she sold it.

The first person who came to see it ended up buying it. Before buying it the negotiation had to take place. Molly had not done this before, but I had prepped her a bit for it.

The amazing thing about it is that all of the negotiation happened without a verbal word being spoken. 100% took place via text messaging. Yes, I guess that’s a sign of the times, but I still find this amazing. (By the way, Molly did very well in her first major haggling experience--I think both she and the buyer got a good deal!)

I heard a similar point made last week. One of our Truth At Work members owns an auto dealership. He mentioned in our last roundtable meeting that many new cars are being made with hookups for laptops and cell phones which will allow them to remain charged. In addition, each laptop will have WIFI capability so passengers can browse the internet.

Just think, with one of these new cars, when you go on your next family vacation, your entire family can be talking to everyone else in the word except each other.

So much is missed in communicating electronically. Much of communication happens through non-verbals. Though text-messaging qualifies as non-verbal communication, you can’t get any additional information from the sender other than the words being spoken.

I encourage you to make it a point today to reach out to someone and actually talk with them...to connect. Better yet, see if you can talk with them in person!

Finding Common Ground

In my last post I shared about some barriers to finding common ground with others according to John Maxwell in his book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect. Today, I will share how Maxwell recommends that we cultivate a common ground mindset:

1. Availability - "I will choose to spend time with others" (Common ground must be discovered, and that takes time)

2. Listening - "I will listen my way to common ground" (Finding common ground requires us to pay attention to others.)

3. Questions - "I will be interested enough in others to ask questions" (Larry King says his favorite question is an easy one to remember, "Why?")

4. Thoughtfulness - "I will think of others and look for ways to thank them" (Thinking of others first is one of the best ways to connect)

5. Openness - "I will let people into my life" (Connection always requires both parties to engage and be open.)

6. Likability - "I will care about people" (If people like you, they will listen to you; if they don't, they won't.)

7. Humility - "I will think of myself less so I can think of others more" (If you want to impact people, don't talk about your successes; talk about your failures.)

8. Adaptability - "I will move from my world to theirs" (Don't tell people about you, begin by seeing things from their perspective.)

Do you see a pattern with each of these? Each of them is focused on the other person first. Each is suggesting we put aside our selfish desires to focus on the other. This is the way to connect.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Philippians 2:3

Barriers to Common Ground

In John Maxwell's latest book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, he says that finding common ground is a critical component to connecting. In fact, he says the practice above all others that opens the door to connection with others is finding common ground.

In trying to coach us to be better connectors, Maxwell shares four barriers to finding common ground:

1. Assumption - "I already know what others know, feel, and want." Problem: Whenever you are quick to make assumptions, you stop paying attention to people and miss clues that would otherwise help you to reach common ground with them.

2. Arrogance - "I don't need to know what others know, feel, or want." Problem: You can't build a relationship with anyone when you don't care about them.

3. Indifference - "I don't care to know what others know, feel, or want." Problem: This is really selfishness.

4. Control - "I don't want others to know what I know, feel, or want." Problem: Secrecy spawns isolation not success.

As you can see, none of these four is a good place to be. I'll bet you can identify people in your life who are in each of these categories. The question is, can you identify if you are?