Others First

My 14 year-old son, Robert, and I have been reading a chapter each week in John Maxwell's book, Winning with People. It has been a great time together learning some really good stuff. Here is an excerpt from the chapter we read this past Sunday:

I recently read an article about actress Angelina Jolie. The catalyst for her change in perspective was a script. Jolie, who won an Oscar in 1999 for her role in Girl, Interrupted, could have been the poster girl for a life adrift. The child of actors Jon Voight and Marcheline Bertrand, she had grown up in Hollywood and indulged many of its excesses. She was called a "wild child." And she was well known for drug usage, outrageous behavior, and sometimes self-destructive actions. She was convinced she would die young.

"There was a time where I never had a sense of purpose, never felt useful as a person," says Jolie. "I think a lot of people have that feeling--wanting to kill yourself or take drugs to numb yourself out because you can't shut it off or you just feel bad and you don't know what it's from."

Success in movies did little to help her. "I felt so off balance all the time," admits Jolie. "I remember one of the most upsetting times in my life was after I had attained success, financial stability and I was in love, and I thought, 'I have everything that they say you should have to be happy and I'm not happy.'"

But then she read the script for Beyond Borders, the story of a woman living a life of privilege who discovers the plight of refugees and orphans around the world. Jolie recalls, "Something in me really wanted to understand what the film was about, these people in the world , all these displaced people and war and famine and refugees." For a year she traveled around the world with UN workers. "I got my greatest life education and changed drastically," she observes. She visited camps in Sierra Leone, Tanzania, Cote d'Ivoire, Cambodia, Pakistan, Namibia, and Thailand. Her entire perspective changed. She realized that the entire world was made up of other people, many of whom were in dire circumstances, many of whom she could help.

When the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees asked her to become goodwill ambassador in 2001, she was happy to do it. She also began donating money to help refugees and orphans, including $3 million to the UN's refugee program. (She says she makes a "stupid amount of money" to act in movies.) And she adopted a Cambodian orphan, Maddox. Recently Worth magazine listed her as one of the twenty-five most influential philanthropists in the world. She estimates she gives almost a third of her income to charity.

Jolie puts it all into perspective: "You could die tomorrow and you've done a few movies, won some awards--that doesn't mean anything. But if you've built schools or raised a child or done something to make things better for other people, then it just feels better. Life is better." Why does she feel that way? Because she finally gets the big picture. She stopped focusing on herself and began putting other people ahead of herself.

The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Galatians 5:14

Failure Is Never Fatal

For about the past year, each week I have been reading a chapter of a book that I choose with my 14 year-old son Robbie. Lately we have been reading Failing Forward by John Maxwell. This past weekend we read about the importance of taking a risk.

In the chapter, Maxwell had this to share:

The reality is that everything in life is risky. If you want to avoid all the risk, then don't do any of the following:

* Don't ride in an automobile--they cause 20 percent of all fatal accidents.
* Don't travel by air, rail, or water--16 percent of all accidents result from these activities
* Don't walk in the street--15 percent of all accidents occur there.
* Don't stay at home--17 percent of all accidents happen there.

In life there are no safe places or risk-free activities.

This reminded me of something I heard about Michael Jordan and Babe Ruth. Michael Jordan is said to have missed more game-winning shots than anyone in NBA history. However, he has also made more than anyone. The same is true of Babe Ruth, one of baseball's greatest home-run hitters. He also has struck out more than most players.

Look back over your life. Wouldn't you agree that some of your most valuable experiences have come through mistakes or failure? In order to succeed, you must also fail along the way. In fact, the more you risk failure and fail, the greater your chances for success. So don't let fear keep you from moving forward!

"Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts."

John Wooden

Finding Common Ground

In my last post I shared about some barriers to finding common ground with others according to John Maxwell in his book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect. Today, I will share how Maxwell recommends that we cultivate a common ground mindset:

1. Availability - "I will choose to spend time with others" (Common ground must be discovered, and that takes time)

2. Listening - "I will listen my way to common ground" (Finding common ground requires us to pay attention to others.)

3. Questions - "I will be interested enough in others to ask questions" (Larry King says his favorite question is an easy one to remember, "Why?")

4. Thoughtfulness - "I will think of others and look for ways to thank them" (Thinking of others first is one of the best ways to connect)

5. Openness - "I will let people into my life" (Connection always requires both parties to engage and be open.)

6. Likability - "I will care about people" (If people like you, they will listen to you; if they don't, they won't.)

7. Humility - "I will think of myself less so I can think of others more" (If you want to impact people, don't talk about your successes; talk about your failures.)

8. Adaptability - "I will move from my world to theirs" (Don't tell people about you, begin by seeing things from their perspective.)

Do you see a pattern with each of these? Each of them is focused on the other person first. Each is suggesting we put aside our selfish desires to focus on the other. This is the way to connect.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Philippians 2:3

Barriers to Common Ground

In John Maxwell's latest book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, he says that finding common ground is a critical component to connecting. In fact, he says the practice above all others that opens the door to connection with others is finding common ground.

In trying to coach us to be better connectors, Maxwell shares four barriers to finding common ground:

1. Assumption - "I already know what others know, feel, and want." Problem: Whenever you are quick to make assumptions, you stop paying attention to people and miss clues that would otherwise help you to reach common ground with them.

2. Arrogance - "I don't need to know what others know, feel, or want." Problem: You can't build a relationship with anyone when you don't care about them.

3. Indifference - "I don't care to know what others know, feel, or want." Problem: This is really selfishness.

4. Control - "I don't want others to know what I know, feel, or want." Problem: Secrecy spawns isolation not success.

As you can see, none of these four is a good place to be. I'll bet you can identify people in your life who are in each of these categories. The question is, can you identify if you are?

Connecting

In John Maxwell's latest book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, he shares the importance of connecting with others, whether it be in a one on one setting, a group environment or as a speaker to an audience.

It doesn't take a degree in rocket science to know that connection skills are extremely important, whether you are a stay at home mom, a sales person or a public speaker.

Maxwell states that if you were to buy a car, when you walked into that showroom, whether you realized it or not, you internally asked yourself three key questions :

1. Do you care for me?
2. Can you help me?
3. Can I trust you?

If you don't answer yes to all three of these questions, this salesperson will not be able to connect with you. As a result, his or her chance for a sale is drastically reduced.

Those three questions can be extremely helpful for us, regardless of our occupation. If others can answer yes to these questions about you, you can be confident that you are connecting with them.

To simplify this, if you were to follow Jesus' instruction and love others as yourself, others certainly would be answering yes to these questions about you.

"Love your neighbor as yourself."
Matthew 22:39b

Leadership

I am a leadership junkie. I love to go to leadership conferences, good ones at least. I love to read books on leadership and I love to hang out with leaders. In short, I love learning more about it because I believe that everything rises and falls on leadership.

So it was with interest that I read an email recently which contained a list of things John Maxwell says we can do to become better leaders. I thought I'd share this list here:

Let go of your ego.
The truly great leaders are not in leadership for personal gain. They lead in order to serve other people. Perhaps that is why Lawrence D. Bell remarked, "Show me a man who cannot bother to do little things, and I'll show you a man who cannot be trusted to do big things."

Become a good follower first.
Rare is the effective leader who didn't learn to become a good follower first. That is why a leadership institution such as the United State Military Academy teaches its officers to become effective followers first - and why West Point has produced more leaders than the Harvard Business School.

Build positive relationships.
Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less. That means it is by nature relational. Today's generation of leaders seem particularly aware of this because title and position mean so little to them. They know intuitively that people go along with people they get along with.

Work with excellence.
No one respects and follows mediocrity. Leaders who earn the right to lead give their all to what they do. They bring into play not only their skills and talents, but also great passion and hard work. They perform on the highest level of which they are capable.

Rely on discipline, not emotion.
Leadership is often easy during the good times. It's when everything seems to be against you - when you're out of energy, and you don't want to lead - that you earn your place as a leader. During every season of life, leaders face crucial moments when they must choose between gearing up or giving up. To make it through those times, rely on the rock of discipline, not the shifting sand of emotion.

Make adding value your goal.
When you look at the leaders whose names are revered long after they have finished leading, you find that they were men and women who helped people to live better lives and reach their potential. That is the highest calling of leadership - and its highest value.

Give your power away.
One of the ironies of leadership is that you become a better leader by sharing whatever power you have, not by saving it all for yourself. You're meant to be a river, not a reservoir. If you use your power to empower others, your leadership will extend far beyond your grasp.

The Power of Failure

I was watching Joyce Meyer on TV with my wife Connie a few days ago. She had John Maxwell on as her guest. To be honest with you, I can't remember what it was they were talking about exactly. However, I remember one thing that John Maxwell said that has still stuck with me.

He said, "We impress people with our success but we impact people with our failures."

Wow. I know this to be true, but why is this?

Here are a few reasons why I agree with Maxwell that we impact others through failures more so than through successes:

• I listen to people who seem like they have it all together. But I really listen if they reveal to me that they have failed. Perhaps it is their humility that draws me toward them. Humility significantly increases the chance of making an impact.
• All of us fail at times. We are thus able to relate more easily to those who have also failed.
• When someone is really hurting about something, who else can best speak to that wound? Someone who has been wounded in the same way.

So remember, God never wastes a hurt. Fail forward!

The Right To Lead

John Maxwell is one of my favorite leadership authors. He has a great knack for making the complex easy to understand and remember. This segment from his book, The Right to Lead is no different:

WHAT GIVES A MAN OR WOMAN THE RIGHT TO LEAD?

It certainly isn't gained by election or appointment. Having position, title, rank, or degrees doesn't qualify anyone to lead other people. And the ability doesn't come automatically from age or experience, either. No, it would be accurate to say that no one can be given the right to lead. The right to lead can only be earned. And that takes time.

The Kind of Leader Others Want to Follow
The key to becoming an effective leader is not to focus on making other people follow, but on making yourself the kind of person they want to follow. You must become someone others can trust to take them where they want to go. As you prepare yourself to become a better leader, use the following guidelines to help you grow:

1. Let go of your ego.
The truly great leaders are not in leadership for personal gain. They lead in order to serve other people. Perhaps that is why Lawrence D. Bell remarked, "Show me a man who cannot bother to do little things, and I'll show you a man who cannot be trusted to do big things."

2. Become a good follower first.
Rare is the effective leader who didn't learn to become a good follower first. That is why a leadership institution such as the United States Military Academy teaches its officers to become effective followers first - and why West Point has produced more leaders than the Harvard Business School.

3. Build positive relationships.
Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less. That means it is by nature relational. Today's generation of leaders seem particularly aware of this because title and position mean so little to them. They know intuitively that people go along with people they get along with.

4. Work with excellence.
No one respects and follows mediocrity. Leaders who earn the right to lead give their all to what they do. They bring into play not only their skills and talents, but also great passion and hard work. They perform on the highest level of which they are capable.

5. Rely on discipline, not emotion.
Leadership is often easy during the good times. It's when everything seems to be against you - when you're out of energy, and you don't want to lead - that you earn your place as a leader. During every season of life, leaders face crucial moments when they must choose between gearing up or giving up. To make it through those times, rely on the rock of discipline, not the shifting sand of emotion.

6. Make adding value your goal.
When you look at the leaders whose names are revered long after they have finished leading, you find that they were men and women who helped people to live better lives and reach their potential. That is the highest calling of leadership - and its highest value.

7. Give your power away.
One of the ironies of leadership is that you become a better leader by sharing whatever power you have, not by saving it all for yourself. You're meant to be a river, not a reservoir. If you use your power to empower others, your leadership will extend far beyond your grasp.

Good stuff!

Leadership

“Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it's amazing what they can accomplish.” -- Sam Walton

"The great leaders are like the best conductors - they reach beyond the notes to reach the magic in the players." -- Blaine Lee

"The best leaders have a high Consideration Factor. They really care about their people." -- Brian Tracy

"Leadership is much more an art, a belief, a condition of the heart, than a set of things to do. The visible signs of artful leadership are expressed, ultimately, in its practice." -- Max DePree

Leadership. I believe that everything rises and falls on leadership.

I ate breakfast yesterday with a friend of mine who was telling me of some incredible leadership blunders where he works. Morale is in the toilet as a result. On the other hand, I know of organizations whose morale could not be higher despite our economy...just because they have solid leadership.

The thing that amazes me when I talk with people about leadership is that, very few people consider themselves leaders. I believe that is not correct. I believe that we ALL are leaders.

I agree that some are given the gift of leadership to lead larger groups of people. But what I mean when I say that we are all leaders is that I believe that leadership is influence, as John Maxwell says. If this is true, then I can make a case that we all are influencing someone. It could be a coworker, a friend, a sibling, a child...anyone.

So the question is, how's your leadership--are you influencing others in a positive or negative way?

Garbage In, Garbage Out

As the short video above discusses, what we think about will dictate much of who we are. I once heard Tony Robbins discussing the time he attempted to drive a race car around the track. He said as he approached the wall, he could not help but look at it. As he came nearer to it, he felt he needed to look at it more. As a result of looking at the wall, he ended up hitting it because that is what he was focused on.

John Maxwell says you are a product of who you hang around with and the books you read. I agree with this is because who you are with and what you are reading will impact what you think about.

So, are you in a rut? If so, maybe you're thinking about the wrong things. Perhaps you need to evaluate who you are spending time with and what you are reading.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

Dreaming

I just received something from John Maxwell that I thought was worth sharing regarding our dreams and the five key things that keep us from them:

Most of us never see our dreams come true. Instead of soaring through the clouds, our dreams languish like a broken-down airplane confined to its hangar. Through life, I have come to identify five common reasons why dreams don't take flight.

#1 We Have Been Discouraged from Dreaming by Others

We have to pilot our own dreams; we cannot entrust them to anyone else. People who aren't following their own dreams resent us pursuing ours. Such people feel inadequate when we succeed, so they try to drag us down.

If we listen to external voices, then we allow our dreams to be hijacked. At some point, other people will place limitations on us by doubting our abilities. When surrounded by the turbulence of criticism, we have to grasp the controls tightly to keep from being knocked off course.

#2 We Are Hindered by Past Disappointments and Hurts

In the movie Top Gun, Tom Cruise plays Maverick, a young, talented, and cocky aviator who dreams of being the premier pilot in the U.S. Navy. In the film's opening scenes, Maverick showcases his flying ability but also displays a knack for pushing the envelope with regards to safety. Midway through the movie, Maverick's characteristic aggression spells disaster. His plane crashes, killing his best friend and co-pilot.

Although cleared of wrongdoing, the painful memory of the accident haunts Maverick. He quits taking risks and loses his edge. Struggling to regain his poise, he considers giving up on his dream. Although the incident nearly wrecks Maverick's career, he eventually reaches within to find the strength to return to the sky.

Like Maverick, many of us live with the memory of failure embedded in our psyche. Perhaps a business we started went broke, or we were fired from a position of leadership. Disappointment is the gap that exists between expectation and reality, and all of us have encountered that gap. Failure is a necessary and natural part of life, but if we're going to attain our dreams, then, like Maverick, we have to summon the courage to deal with past hurts.

#3 We Fall into the Habit of Settling for Average

Average is the norm for a reason. Being exceptional demands extra effort, sustained inspiration, and uncommon discipline. When we attempt to give flight to our dreams, we have to overcome the weight of opposition. Like gravity, life's circumstances constantly pull on our dreams, tugging us down to mediocrity.

Most of us don't pay the price to overcome the opposition to our dreams. We may start out inspired, but through time we fatigue. Although never intending to abandon our dreams, we begin to make concessions here and there. Through time, our lives become mundane, and our dreams slip away.

#4 We Lack the Confidence Needed to Pursue Our Dreams

Dreams are fragile. They will be buffeted by assaults from all sides. As such, they must be supplied with the extra strength of self-confidence.

In Amelia Earhart's day, women were not supposed to fly airplanes. If she had lacked self-assurance, she never would have even attempted to be a pilot. Instead, Earhart confidently chased after her dream, and she was rewarded with both fulfillment and fame.

#5 We Lack the Imagination to Dream

For thousands of years, mankind traveled along the ground: by foot, by horse-and-buggy, by locomotive, and eventually by automobile. Thanks to the dreams of Orville and Wilbur Wright, we now hop across oceans in a matter of hours. The imaginative brothers overcame ridicule and doubt to pioneer human flight, and the world has never been the same.

Many of us play small because we do not allow ourselves to dream. We trap ourselves in reality and never dare to go beyond what we can see with our eyes. Imagination lifts us beyond average by giving us a vision of life that surpasses what we are experiencing currently. Dreams infuse our spirit with energy and spur us on to greatness.

Underachiever?

Some say that Mickey Mantle was the greatest all-around baseball player of all time. No one would argue that he is among the all-time greats to ever play the game.

I read something yesterday that I didn't know about him. He actually said he under-achieved and did not use his God-given gifts to his fullest potential. That surprised me. I don't believe there are many who would call Mickey Mantle and underachiever.

John Maxwell wrote this great piece which talks about the role discipline plays in helping us to live up to our potential:

He may have been the most naturally gifted baseball player of all time. He was clocked rounding the bases in an incredible 13 seconds. Yet, his speed was nothing compared to the power of his hitting. It's been said there were home run hitters, and then there was this man - in a league of his own. The Guinness Book of World Records credits him with hitting the longest home run ever measured, at 643 feet.

The player I'm describing is the great Mickey Mantle. By the age of 19 he had been called up to play for the New York Yankees. He won a World Series his rookie year, and his teams would capture seven championships over the course of his career. By the time he retired, Mantle had played more games as a Yankee than any other player, and had been named MVP of the American League three times. He still holds the all-time World Series records for home runs, runs scored, and runs batted in.

Yet, in spite of his impressive accomplishments, experts believe Mickey Mantle never reached his potential. Most blame Mantle's chronic knee injuries for preventing him from doing more. But injuries weren't the root of the problem. What most people didn't know was that Mantle was a raging alcoholic.

At age 62, with his health and family life a mess, Mantle checked into the Betty Ford Clinic and started the long road to sobriety. Looking back from this vantage point, he assessed his career:

I never fulfilled what my dad had wanted [to be the greatest player who ever lived], and I should have. God gave me a great body to play with, and I didn't take care of it. And I blame a lot of it on alcohol.

Everybody tries to make the excuse that injuries shortened my career. Truth is, after I'd had a knee operation the doctors would give me rehab work to do, but I wouldn't do it. I'd be out drinking... I hurt my knees through the years, and I just thought they'd naturally come back. Everything has always come natural to me. I didn't work hard at it.

Despite his great natural talent, Mickey Mantle never disciplined himself off the field. By the time Mantle was ready to change, it was too late. His liver was ruined from a life of alcoholism, and he died at age 64 from inoperable cancer.

Four Truths about Discipline

What were you born to do? What is your dream? To become the person you have the potential to be, you have to cultivate a life of discipline. Consider these truths concerning discipline:

Discipline Comes with a Price Tag

Discipline is costly. It demands a continual investment of time, energy, and commitment at the expense of momentary pleasure and ease. Discipline means paying hours of practice to win the prize of skill. Discipline means giving up short-term benefits for the hope of future gain. Discipline means pressing on to excellence long after everyone else has settled for average.

Discipline Turns Talent to Greatness

When you read about someone like Mickey Mantle, you realize that too much talent can actually work against someone. Super-talented individuals can coast on sheer ability and neglect building the daily habits of success that will sustain them. Poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow shared much insight when he wrote:

The heights by great men reached and kept
Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they, while their companions slept,
Were toiling upward in the night.

If you want to reach your potential, attach a strong work ethic to your talent.

Discipline Focuses on Choices, Not Conditions

In general, people approach daily discipline in one of two ways. They focus on the external or the internal. Those who focus externally allow conditions to dictate whether or not they remain disciplined. Because conditions are transitory, their discipline level changes like the wind.

In contrast, people with internal discipline focus on choices. You cannot control circumstances, nor can you control others. By focusing on your choices, and making the right ones regularly, you stay disciplined.

Discipline Does Not Bow Down to Feelings

As Arthur Gordon said, "Nothing is easier than saying words. Nothing is harder than living them, day after day. What you promise today must be renewed and redecided tomorrow and each day that stretches out before you."

If you do what you should only when you really feel like it, then you won't build disciplined habits. At times, you have to act contrary to emotions. If you refuse to give into your lesser impulses, no matter how great they will make you feel in the moment, then you'll go far.


Summary

Discipline is a matter of taking total responsibility for your future. Choose not to blame circumstances for the outcome of your life. Choose to go beyond your natural talent. Choose to make wise decisions repeatedly. Choose discipline as the path to your potential.

Success

On Monday I posted about some nuggets John Maxwell shared with us last week while he was in Toledo. One of them was his definition of success. He said that, to him, success was "that those who know me the best, respect me the most."

I thought that was very good. In today's day and age, success is typically defined by the house you live, the car you drive or how much money you make. What Maxwell is saying is that you might have all these things, but if your family and close friends don't respect you or even know you, are you really a success? I think not.

Although I agree with this, why is it that I often find myself striving for the world's definition of success? Why do I not simply abide in Christ and step off the treadmill for a little while? Thankfully, this is something God is really working on in me. I'm not where I want to be but I am so thankful I am not where I used to be!

If you want to see a neat 3 minute video on success, click here and then click on the link that says, "Watch the DVD movie."

Maxwellisms

As I mentioned on Friday, John Maxwell spoke at Toledo's National Day of Prayer Breakfast and at a three hour leadership seminar last Thursday. While reviewing my notes, I came across quite a few "nuggets" that I wanted to share:

• John mentioned that a great influence on his life was his father. He said he was the greatest leader he ever knew. He also shared that his dad refused to pay allowance to he and his siblings for doing chores. Instead he paid them an allowance if they read certain books. As a result of this, John said he developed a desire to continually learn and grow which continues to this day.
• When you have a dream, the day you really buy-in to the dream (in other words, the day you sell-out and go for it), you will be in way over your head. You will be in a place which will require God's help.
• He said motivation doesn't work in the long term. He said it is much better to hire motivated people.
• The most important thing a parent can do is help their child determine their areas of giftedness.
• Definition of "success": That those who know me the best, respect me the most.
• The secret of your success is determined in your daily agenda.
• Leadership is influence. So how can one gain influence? Simply by adding value to others.

Serving Others

Yesterday in Toledo, we had our Community Leaders Prayer Breakfast which we hold annually on the National Day of Prayer. This was our 20th year so we decided to ask John Maxwell come to share with us. He also conducted a three hour leadership session. Both events really helped a lot of people.

Because I was on the committee that put this on, I had the privilege of spending some time with John at dinner the night before. Bob, who was the chairman of this year's event, was asking John at dinner how he wanted things to go on Thursday and John replied, "Bob, it doesn't matter to me, I'm just here to serve you." Here is maybe the world's top leadership expert who has written 50 or so books and speaks all over the world telling Bob that he was simply here to serve him. Very cool.

During his seminar, John shared that leadership is simply influence and that if you want to increase your leadership capabilities, you must increase your influence. So you may say, how can I increase my influence? John said that the way to increase influence is simply to add value to others. In fact, he says he gets up every morning and asks, "Lord, who can I add value to today?" Then before going to sleep he asks, "Who did I add value to today?"

John was constantly looking for ways to add value to all of us. He came to serve us. Now that's a leader!

“Instead, whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:26b-28

Door Number One

Do you remember the game show “Let’s Make a Deal?” I used to watch that all the time when I was a kid. I’m not sure why, but I liked it.

Maybe it was the crazy costumes contestants wore. But I think it had to do more with watching the agony in which participants would go through in making a decision over whether to take what was behind door number one or door number two.

Why is it so hard for us to sometimes make choices?

I just finished a book by John Maxwell called The Choice is Yours. The following was written in his introduction:

Life is a matter of choices. What will you do for your career? Whom will you marry? Where will you live? How much education will you get? What do you want to do with today? But another choice is much more important than these: who will you become?

The only true freedom each of us has in life is the freedom to choose. But once we choose, we become the servant of our choices. Author and professor C.S. Lewis observed, “Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part that chooses, into something a little different than what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, you are slowly turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature.”

Nobody desires to take the path that leads downward. Each of us aspires to be something more, something bigger. The secret to the uphill path comes in the individual choices we make.

I heard it asked recently, “If someone spits on you does that make you mad?” Most would say YES, but that’s not true. What it makes you is wet. It is your choice to be mad.

So, will you choose the high road, the sometimes difficult road that climbs ever upward or will you choose the easy road? Choose wisely today!

Failure

I had a strange weekend. I was in a bit of a funk and I can't really explain it. I guess I was feeling somewhat inadequate. Maybe I felt some fear. Whatever was going on, I was not feeling very successful. I don't really have a reason for this other than my income is not where I would like it to be.

You see, being a former athlete and sales person, I have this "outcome-based" definition of success...you know--measuring number of points or total sales dollars or whatever else can be measured. I know that God is trying to work on this in my life and get me to simply do my best and leave the outcome to Him. He wants me to consider that a success. I thought I was doing better at this, but yet, this feeling persisted.

I read something by John Maxwell this morning that I found interesting:

Prior to dazzling the world with his athletic skill, Michael Jordan was cut from his sophomore basketball team. Even though he captured six championships, during his professional career, Jordan missed over 12,000 shots, lost nearly 400 games, and failed to make more than 25 would-be game-winning baskets.

I imagine Jordan felt a bit discouraged when he missed a potential game-winning shot or lost a game. However, he continually came back from these disappointments to become arguably the greatest basketball player ever. John Wooden has said, "Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts."

I guess the good thing about being in a funk is that it is only temporary. Time to get some courage!

Hope

I was at Cedar Creek Church yesterday which is a very cool church in our city. I was there for a kickoff and introduction to the lineup who will be speaking at this year's Willow Creek Leadership Summit. Cedar Creek is the host site for Toledo as this is shown via satellite at hundreds of sites around the world.

Bill Hybels talked during the webcast yesterday about the speakers for the upcoming event in August and then showed video clips of many of them. It really looks like it will be an incredible event, as it always is.

Hybels mentioned that he is constantly looking to learn from other leaders. He said he especially wants to know what they did when they were in a similar mess to what he is in much of the time.

I thought that was very good. I have heard it said that a smart man learns from his own mistakes while a wise man learns from the mistakes of others.

The interesting thing about the Summit, is that Hybels actually goes out of his way to find speakers who are coming from a different place or have a different perspective. They typically always challenge you in ways you didn't think you needed to be challenged. There have been speakers in the past whom I have dismissed as someone who probably won't be that great, who have absolutely knocked it out of the park.

I have learned that I, and all leaders, can learn from anyone and this was exhibited at the function yesterday in an unexpected way.

After listening to Bill Hybels and video clips from some amazing leaders, a great friend of mine, Bob Borcherdt (president of Midwest Paper Specialties) got up to address the crowd and to promote our upcoming Community Leaders Prayer Breakfast and Leadership Seminar featuring John Maxwell we are helping to organize in Toledo on May 7th.

Because of all the great speakers we had just heard from, Bob was the last person I expected to hear the most memorable line of the day from (although he is filled with much wisdom), yet he said something that stuck with me. Bob said, "There is a lot of fear out there. As Christians, it is our role to help to give people hope."

How true that is; however, it can be very easy to get bogged down in the "doom and gloom." But we know the end of the story--our team wins! So let your hope be infectious!

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give a reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.

1 Peter 3:15b

Getting the Best From Others

Yesterday I shared with you some insights from John Maxwell on why the great leaders are great leaders. In a nutshell, John said the best leaders give their best to their people and they get the best from their people. Today John shares how the best leaders get the best from those on their team:

The Best Leaders Get the Best from Their People By...

1) LISTENING
The smartest leaders realize the limitations of their wisdom, and they listen to their people in order to capture invaluable insights. However, leaders don't just listen to gain knowledge, they also listen to give their people permission: permission to challenge the process, permission to test assumptions; and permission to take risks. Nothing turns off an up-and-coming leader like the deaf ear of a superior. The best leaders don't simply listen to incoming ideas; they proactively draw them out of their people. They listen actively, not passively.

2) RELATING
Leaders touch a heart before they ask for a hand. To touch a heart, a leader has to be open to disclosing his or her identity by sharing personal stories and owning up to professional weaknesses. Mysterious or aloof leaders may be successful decision-makers, but they won't get the heartfelt loyalty that comes from authentic relationships.

As simple as it sounds, making a person feel known correlates powerfully to their job satisfaction. In fact, Patrick Lencioni lists anonymity as one of the top indicators of a miserable job. Leaders dignify their people by studying their interests, learning about their families, and finding out their hobbies. Conscious of the power of connection, the best leaders refuse to be barricaded inside of an office, and they take responsibility for relating with others on a regular basis.

3) TEACHING
Gifted teachers have a way of making students out of disinterested bystanders. The best leaders have an infectious thirst for knowledge, and they take pride in cultivating knowledge of their craft and awareness of their industry. A leader's teaching ability depends upon ongoing personal growth. As Howard Hendricks said, "If you stop growing today, you stop teaching tomorrow."

4) DEVELOPING
The best leaders understand the differences between training people for tasks and developing people to be better leaders.

Training
Focus is on the job
Adds value to specific things
Helpful for a short time
Changes a performance

Developing
Focus is on the person
Adds value to everything
Helpful for a lifetime
Change the performer

The best leaders view their people as appreciable assets and prioritize investing in the talent on their teams.

5) MOTIVATING
After one of my presentations, an audience member approached me who was visibly indignant about my speech. "Why is motivation last on the list?" he demanded. "Well," I replied, "because if you listen, relate, teach, and develop your people, then they will be motivated!"

Sustained motivation comes by creating the right environment for your people and by doing the right things consistently to nurture them. Consider a flower. It cannot grow in the Arctic; it requires a climate conducive to growth. Yet, even in the right environment, the flower must be planted in hospitable soil, exposed to sunlight, watered, and freed of weeds.

REVIEW
The Best Leaders Give Their Best to Their People by...1. Growing 2. Serving 3. Modeling
The Best Leaders Get the Best From Their People by...1. Listening 2. Relating 3. Teaching 4. Developing 5. Motivating

Why The Best Leaders Are The Best Leaders

One of my favorite authors on leadership is John Maxwell. I recently received something from him that was very good so I thought I’d share it with you:

From 1996 to 2007, manager Joe Torre led the New York Yankees to the playoffs every year - winning an astounding 17 series in the post-season. Over those same 12 years, the Los Angeles Dodgers did not win a single playoff series. This past season, Torre departed New York to coach the Dodgers. The result? The Dodgers won their first post-season series in 20 years, while the Yankees missed the playoffs altogether. Ask Yankees and Dodgers fans, and they will tell you that Joe Torre's leadership matters. However, they may not be able to tell you exactly why Joe Torre is an excellent leader.

What's true of the fans in New York and Los Angeles is true for many of us. We experience the effects of leadership without understanding the cause. In this article, I hope to make plain why the best leaders are the best leaders. In a nutshell, remarkable leaders give their best to their people, and get the best from their people. Let's look at how this happens.

The Best Leaders Give Their Best to Their People By...

1) GROWING
People naturally follow leaders they respect as being more advanced than they are. For this reason, personal growth is directly proportional to influence. If you desire to gain followers, then pay the price of getting better.

To give people your best, you have to elevate your leadership capacity. Consider the metaphor of walking up a narrow staircase - you can only go as fast as the person in front of you. When leaders stop growing, they quit climbing and impede the progress of everyone following them. However, when leaders grow, they ascend the stairs and create space for those behind them to climb higher. Personal growth involves challenging yourself, and pushing beyond the realm of comfort. When is the last time you did something for the first time? How long has it been since you felt in over your head?

2) SERVING
"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."~ Albert Einstein

Serving others is an attitude issue. Unfortunately, many leaders operate under a king-of-the-hill mentality. They attempt to pull down anyone above them in order to secure the top spot for themselves. In doing so, they clutch at power, grapple for control of company resources, and strive to dominate others. Seeing relationships as win-lose propositions, they ultimately burn bridges and isolate themselves.

The best leaders take an entirely different approach. Rather than dragging down anyone who threatens their position, they extend a hand to lift the performance of teammates and coworkers. They function with a mindset of abundance as opposed to an attitude of scarcity, and they wield their influence to prop others up rather than to elevate themselves. Over time, they are honored for the contributions they have made to the lives around them.

All leaders serve. Sadly, some serve only themselves. Serving is a motives issue, and the crux of the matter boils down to a simple question: "Who?" Does a politician serve the public or his pocketbook? Does a CEO serve to benefit her shareholders or to support her lifestyle? The best leaders set a tone by serving and prove they are deserving of being out in front.

3) MODELING
Growing leaders have something to share; serving leaders have something to give; modeling leaders have something to show. As V.J. Featherstone said, "Leaders tell, but never teach, until they practice what they preach." The best leaders embody their values. Their passion exudes from every pore and demands respect.

Good stuff huh? Wednesday I will share with you the second half of this article which shows how the best leaders get the best from their people.