The Cost of Being Nice

At a Touchdown Club meeting many years before his death, Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant told the following story:

I had just been named the new head coach at Alabama and was off in my old car down in South Alabama recruiting a prospect who was supposed to have been a pretty good player and I was having trouble finding the place.

I spied an old cinder block building with a small sign out front that simply said "Restaurant." I went in and every head in the place turns to stare at me. A big ole man in a tee shirt and cap comes over and says, "What do you need?"

I told him I needed lunch and he says, "You probably won't like it here, today we're having chitlins, I'll bet you don't even know what chitlins are, do you?"

I looked him square in the eye and said, "I'm from Arkansas, I've probably eaten a mile of them. Sounds like I'm in the right place."They served me up a big plate. When he comes back he says, "You ain't from around here then?" I explain I'm the new football coach up in Tuscaloosa at the University and I'm here to find whatever that boy's name was and he says, yeah I've heard of him, he's supposed to be pretty good. And he gives me directions to the school so I can meet him and his coach.

As I'm paying up to leave, I remember my manners and leave a tip, not too big to be flashy, but a good one and he told me lunch was on him, but I told him for a lunch that good, I felt I should pay. The big man asked me if I had a photograph or something he could hang up to show I'd been there. I was so new that I didn't have any yet. It really wasn't that big a thing back then to be asked for, but I took a napkin and wrote his name and address on it and told him I'd get him one. I met the kid I was looking for later that afternoon and I don't remember his name, but do remember I didn't think much of him when I met him.

I had wasted a day, or so I thought. When I got back to Tuscaloosa late that night, I took that napkin from my shirt pocket and put it under my keys so I wouldn't forget it. Back then I was excited that anybody would want a picture of me. The next day we found a picture and I wrote on it, "Thanks for the best lunch I've ever had."

Now, let's go a whole bunch a years down the road. I'm back down in that part of the country scouting an offensive lineman we sure needed. He's got two friends going to Auburn and he tells me he's got his heart set on Auburn too, so I leave empty handed and go on see some others while I'm down there.

Two days later, I'm in my office in Tuscaloosa and the phone rings and it's this kid who just turned me down, and he says, "Coach, do you still want me at Alabama?" And I said, "Yes I sure do." And he says OK, he'll come.

And I say, "Well son, what changed your mind?" And he said, "When my grandpa found out that I had a chance to play for you and said no, he pitched a fit and told me I wasn't going nowhere but Alabama, and wasn't playing for nobody but you. He thinks a lot of you and has ever since y'all met." Well, I didn't know his granddad from Adam's housecat so I asked him who his granddaddy was and he said, "You probably don't remember him, but you ate in his restaurant your first year at Alabama and you sent him a picture that he's had hung in that place ever since. That picture's his pride and joy and he still tells everybody about the day that Bear Bryant came in and had chitlins with him...”

"My grandpa said that when you left there, he never expected you to remember him or to send him that picture, but you kept your word to him and to Grandpa, that's everything. He said you could teach me more than football and I had to play for a man like you, so I guess I'm going to." I was floored.

But I learned the lesson that it don't cost nuthin' to be nice. It don't cost nuthin' to do the right thing most of the time, and it costs a lot to lose your good name by breaking your word to someone. When I went back to sign that boy, I looked up his Grandpa and he's still running that place, but it looks a lot better now; and he didn't have chitlins that day, but I made sure I posed for a lot of pictures. I made it clear to all my assistants to keep this story and these lessons in mind when they're out on the road. If you don’t remember anything else from me, remember this. It really doesn't cost anything to be nice, and the rewards can be unimaginable. ~

Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant

The Right To Lead

John Maxwell is one of my favorite leadership authors. He has a great knack for making the complex easy to understand and remember. This segment from his book, The Right to Lead is no different:

WHAT GIVES A MAN OR WOMAN THE RIGHT TO LEAD?

It certainly isn't gained by election or appointment. Having position, title, rank, or degrees doesn't qualify anyone to lead other people. And the ability doesn't come automatically from age or experience, either. No, it would be accurate to say that no one can be given the right to lead. The right to lead can only be earned. And that takes time.

The Kind of Leader Others Want to Follow
The key to becoming an effective leader is not to focus on making other people follow, but on making yourself the kind of person they want to follow. You must become someone others can trust to take them where they want to go. As you prepare yourself to become a better leader, use the following guidelines to help you grow:

1. Let go of your ego.
The truly great leaders are not in leadership for personal gain. They lead in order to serve other people. Perhaps that is why Lawrence D. Bell remarked, "Show me a man who cannot bother to do little things, and I'll show you a man who cannot be trusted to do big things."

2. Become a good follower first.
Rare is the effective leader who didn't learn to become a good follower first. That is why a leadership institution such as the United States Military Academy teaches its officers to become effective followers first - and why West Point has produced more leaders than the Harvard Business School.

3. Build positive relationships.
Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less. That means it is by nature relational. Today's generation of leaders seem particularly aware of this because title and position mean so little to them. They know intuitively that people go along with people they get along with.

4. Work with excellence.
No one respects and follows mediocrity. Leaders who earn the right to lead give their all to what they do. They bring into play not only their skills and talents, but also great passion and hard work. They perform on the highest level of which they are capable.

5. Rely on discipline, not emotion.
Leadership is often easy during the good times. It's when everything seems to be against you - when you're out of energy, and you don't want to lead - that you earn your place as a leader. During every season of life, leaders face crucial moments when they must choose between gearing up or giving up. To make it through those times, rely on the rock of discipline, not the shifting sand of emotion.

6. Make adding value your goal.
When you look at the leaders whose names are revered long after they have finished leading, you find that they were men and women who helped people to live better lives and reach their potential. That is the highest calling of leadership - and its highest value.

7. Give your power away.
One of the ironies of leadership is that you become a better leader by sharing whatever power you have, not by saving it all for yourself. You're meant to be a river, not a reservoir. If you use your power to empower others, your leadership will extend far beyond your grasp.

Good stuff!

Fish Story

I don’t have any problems with professional athletes making the money they make. After all, it is us, the fans, that allow them to get paid what they get paid. I do, however, have a problem with the way these athletes seem so ungrateful for what they have been given. It seems like it is more the rule than the exception anymore, that an athlete demands a higher salary than what was agreed to a year before when he signed his contract. Very disappointing.

I just began listening to the story of Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson on tape (Standing Like a Stone Wall by James Robertson, Jr.). So far, it is fascinating. Jackson is one of America’s great military leaders from the Civil War and the Mexican-American war.

I am learning that he was also a Christian man of great character. Last night I heard of “the fish story.” Apparently, when he was a youngster, it was told that Mr. Conrad Koester offered to pay him $.50 for each pike that Thomas would catch. This went on for quite some time and Thomas was paid quite well as he was quite the fisherman.

One day, he caught a 36” whopper and was carrying it down the street. One man yelled out that he wanted to buy the fish for a dollar.

Thomas said, “It’s sold to Mr. Koester!”

“I’ll give you a dollar and a quarter.”

“If you are going to get any of this fish, you are going to have to get it from Mr. Koester.”

When he presented the fish to Mr. Koester, Koester wanted to pay him double for it.

Thomas said, “No sir. You have paid me for a lot of small fish. I won’t take any more for this one.”

How many would have taken the better offer from someone else? I know most of today’s athletes would have. Isn’t it refreshing to hear stories of young Stonewall Jackson and the integrity that he exhibited?

Trust

I just read an article about the Korean automaker Hyundai and the reason they have had so much influence in the automotive market. When Hyundai made their debut in the US in 1986, they did so by selling a lot of vehicles, many of which had quality issues. They quickly became the laughingstock of the industry. One joke went like this: "How do you double the value of a Hyundai? You fill the gas tank."

A pretty tough start.

However, this is not the end of the story. The article continues with this...

Reeling from quality concerns, Hyundai had to reestablish trust with wary consumers. In an attempt to do so, the company settled upon a marketing plan to offer over-the-top security to customers willing to buy Hyundai. Dangling the incentive of America's Best Warranty, Hyundai won back the business of skeptical uyers.

However, convincing customers to buy was only half the battle. Could Hyundai satisfy them and earn repeat business? Thankfully for Hyundai, it was able to deliver quality and fix its image. In stepping up its caliber of manufacturing, Hyundai equaled and, in some cases, surpassed the Japanese automakers in measures of quality. By doing so, the company won back the trust of customers.

As a result of this turnaround, Hyundai has been able to be an influential player in the automotive market. Today, Hyundai has been the trendsetter in consumer warranty and assurance programs that have been copied by their competitors. They now have influence.

A couple of valuable lessons here. First, trust is paramount to growing in your influence. Second, if you have failed in establishing trust in any way, as Hyundai initially did, all is not lost. You can make the effort to win back the trust of others. However, telling someone that they can trust you probably will not work in this case. It won't be easy, but you will need to re-establish your trust through your actions.

A good name is more desirable than great riches: to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.

Proverbs 22:1

Refreshing Integrity

My wife and I have had what seems like bad experience after bad experience when it comes to picking out a bed for us. When we were first married, we had a water bed. That was OK for a while then it just wasn't providing the support we wanted. We then switched to a well-known brand of mattress and had nothing but problems. Because of various issues, we replaced it a couple of times with much hassle from the manufacturer and cost to us.

Last year we decided to invest in a mattress from Tempur-Pedic because we had heard great things about the company and their mattress. Besides, it had what seemed like a great warranty.

Less than one year into the life of the mattress and we began to notice that it was "dipping" where we regularly slept. I filed a claim with their warranty department online and within 1 day had a response back that my claim had been approved and they would replace our mattress.

Wow--I was not expecting that. No hassle. No arguments. Just standing behind what they claimed. Integrity...how refreshing.

Patience

A good friend of mine, Rich called me on his way home from work the other day. He was as excited as I have ever heard him. His boss had just resigned.

This may seem like it's not a big deal...but in this case, it is a huge deal.

Several months ago Rich was sharing how awful it was to be working for this particular person. He mentioned that his situation was very similar to what I went through that led me to write Bleedership, Biblical First-Aid for Leaders. The fact he needed to deal with a boss like this was awful and I could definitely relate.

I suggested he go to the board of directors to see about having him removed. He said others had suggested that as well but that didn't feel right to him. He said he was just going to bide his time and possibly look for other employment. He said this was really tough, though because he loves where he works.

Well, his patience obviously paid off. Rich followed his convictions and didn't try to take things into his own hands. He let God deal with it and he has now been blessed for it. Thanks for the great example Rich!

Getting the Best From Others

Yesterday I shared with you some insights from John Maxwell on why the great leaders are great leaders. In a nutshell, John said the best leaders give their best to their people and they get the best from their people. Today John shares how the best leaders get the best from those on their team:

The Best Leaders Get the Best from Their People By...

1) LISTENING
The smartest leaders realize the limitations of their wisdom, and they listen to their people in order to capture invaluable insights. However, leaders don't just listen to gain knowledge, they also listen to give their people permission: permission to challenge the process, permission to test assumptions; and permission to take risks. Nothing turns off an up-and-coming leader like the deaf ear of a superior. The best leaders don't simply listen to incoming ideas; they proactively draw them out of their people. They listen actively, not passively.

2) RELATING
Leaders touch a heart before they ask for a hand. To touch a heart, a leader has to be open to disclosing his or her identity by sharing personal stories and owning up to professional weaknesses. Mysterious or aloof leaders may be successful decision-makers, but they won't get the heartfelt loyalty that comes from authentic relationships.

As simple as it sounds, making a person feel known correlates powerfully to their job satisfaction. In fact, Patrick Lencioni lists anonymity as one of the top indicators of a miserable job. Leaders dignify their people by studying their interests, learning about their families, and finding out their hobbies. Conscious of the power of connection, the best leaders refuse to be barricaded inside of an office, and they take responsibility for relating with others on a regular basis.

3) TEACHING
Gifted teachers have a way of making students out of disinterested bystanders. The best leaders have an infectious thirst for knowledge, and they take pride in cultivating knowledge of their craft and awareness of their industry. A leader's teaching ability depends upon ongoing personal growth. As Howard Hendricks said, "If you stop growing today, you stop teaching tomorrow."

4) DEVELOPING
The best leaders understand the differences between training people for tasks and developing people to be better leaders.

Training
Focus is on the job
Adds value to specific things
Helpful for a short time
Changes a performance

Developing
Focus is on the person
Adds value to everything
Helpful for a lifetime
Change the performer

The best leaders view their people as appreciable assets and prioritize investing in the talent on their teams.

5) MOTIVATING
After one of my presentations, an audience member approached me who was visibly indignant about my speech. "Why is motivation last on the list?" he demanded. "Well," I replied, "because if you listen, relate, teach, and develop your people, then they will be motivated!"

Sustained motivation comes by creating the right environment for your people and by doing the right things consistently to nurture them. Consider a flower. It cannot grow in the Arctic; it requires a climate conducive to growth. Yet, even in the right environment, the flower must be planted in hospitable soil, exposed to sunlight, watered, and freed of weeds.

REVIEW
The Best Leaders Give Their Best to Their People by...1. Growing 2. Serving 3. Modeling
The Best Leaders Get the Best From Their People by...1. Listening 2. Relating 3. Teaching 4. Developing 5. Motivating

Why The Best Leaders Are The Best Leaders

One of my favorite authors on leadership is John Maxwell. I recently received something from him that was very good so I thought I’d share it with you:

From 1996 to 2007, manager Joe Torre led the New York Yankees to the playoffs every year - winning an astounding 17 series in the post-season. Over those same 12 years, the Los Angeles Dodgers did not win a single playoff series. This past season, Torre departed New York to coach the Dodgers. The result? The Dodgers won their first post-season series in 20 years, while the Yankees missed the playoffs altogether. Ask Yankees and Dodgers fans, and they will tell you that Joe Torre's leadership matters. However, they may not be able to tell you exactly why Joe Torre is an excellent leader.

What's true of the fans in New York and Los Angeles is true for many of us. We experience the effects of leadership without understanding the cause. In this article, I hope to make plain why the best leaders are the best leaders. In a nutshell, remarkable leaders give their best to their people, and get the best from their people. Let's look at how this happens.

The Best Leaders Give Their Best to Their People By...

1) GROWING
People naturally follow leaders they respect as being more advanced than they are. For this reason, personal growth is directly proportional to influence. If you desire to gain followers, then pay the price of getting better.

To give people your best, you have to elevate your leadership capacity. Consider the metaphor of walking up a narrow staircase - you can only go as fast as the person in front of you. When leaders stop growing, they quit climbing and impede the progress of everyone following them. However, when leaders grow, they ascend the stairs and create space for those behind them to climb higher. Personal growth involves challenging yourself, and pushing beyond the realm of comfort. When is the last time you did something for the first time? How long has it been since you felt in over your head?

2) SERVING
"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."~ Albert Einstein

Serving others is an attitude issue. Unfortunately, many leaders operate under a king-of-the-hill mentality. They attempt to pull down anyone above them in order to secure the top spot for themselves. In doing so, they clutch at power, grapple for control of company resources, and strive to dominate others. Seeing relationships as win-lose propositions, they ultimately burn bridges and isolate themselves.

The best leaders take an entirely different approach. Rather than dragging down anyone who threatens their position, they extend a hand to lift the performance of teammates and coworkers. They function with a mindset of abundance as opposed to an attitude of scarcity, and they wield their influence to prop others up rather than to elevate themselves. Over time, they are honored for the contributions they have made to the lives around them.

All leaders serve. Sadly, some serve only themselves. Serving is a motives issue, and the crux of the matter boils down to a simple question: "Who?" Does a politician serve the public or his pocketbook? Does a CEO serve to benefit her shareholders or to support her lifestyle? The best leaders set a tone by serving and prove they are deserving of being out in front.

3) MODELING
Growing leaders have something to share; serving leaders have something to give; modeling leaders have something to show. As V.J. Featherstone said, "Leaders tell, but never teach, until they practice what they preach." The best leaders embody their values. Their passion exudes from every pore and demands respect.

Good stuff huh? Wednesday I will share with you the second half of this article which shows how the best leaders get the best from their people.

Corn Maze Leadership

Last night, my wife and I went to an event for small group leaders through our church. At the conclusion of dinner we went to a corn maze which was a first for me.

We split up into teams with the men on one team and the women on the other. The men were given a map and the women were not; however, they were given a five minute head start.

Even with the map, we got lost several times. Without a map I can see how you could spend a lot of time in there totally confused.

Well, even without a map, the women soundly beat us (I know that is not a surprise to many of you). But I discovered something interesting. Afterward, we discussed our experiences. The women seemed to bond and grow closer through this experience. Each of them experienced a chance to lead and they each found themselves trusting one another. They said they really felt like they were on the same team.

While we had a lot of laughs, our group did not really experience that. We spent most of our time following the guy with the map. As a result, we didn't bond as a group like the women did and we certainly didn't feel like teammates. Pretty interesting leadership illustration, huh?

As a leader, are you just charging ahead while looking at your map or are you getting everyone involved and building a team?

Integrity

If you live in my community you have heard a lot about Extreme Makeover Home Edition finishing a home in Toledo. This was an incredible project to help a family in need. Tim Schlachter, the owner of Buckeye Real Estate Group headed up this project. Tim is a friend of mine and when he told me that they would need to tear down the existing house, clear away the debris, dig the new basement, pour the foundation, then build a new 4,500+ square foot house, that job seemed overwhelming. tThe fact that they needed to do it in 106 hours seemed downright impossible. That is pressure. But Tim is a man of integrity and I know he had confidence in his crew and in the process.

Well, they did it! Everything went according to plan and the Frisch family got to see their new home yesterday.

The other day, I drove by the old Savage Hall on the University of Toledo's campus. This is where I once played basketball while at UT. Savage Hall is undergoing a major renovation which began as soon as last season ended (the construction inside is pictured above). The new Savage Arena is to be completed by the start of the 2008 basketball season.

Think about that pressure. If the contractor doesn't get this done, what happens to the games that are scheduled? Would UT forfeit? Would they need to find an alternate site and would they be able to?

The contractor who won that bid had to be very sure of their plans. They also need to have integrity and do exactly as they say they are going to do.

It's kind of sad that those two words, "integrity" and "contractor" don't seem to go well together. I have had many contractors at our house who did not do as they said they would or did not start when they said they would. I have often joked that that is the first class taken in contractor school--how to break commitments.

This doesn't describe you, does it?

Above all, my brothers, do not swear--not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned. James 5:12

Responsibility

Did you hear about this? It seems a Tennessee man was at church and says he was so consumed by the spirit of God that he fell and hit his head. I love it when people are passionate about things, especially when they are passionate about God (even so passionate that they fall down while worshiping). If that was the end of the story, that would be pretty cool.

However, as Paul Harvey would say, "And now, the rest of the story..." Now this man is suing Lakewind Church for $2.5 million in damages for medical bills, lost time off work and pain and suffering.

Whatever happened to people stepping up and taking responsibility for their own actions?

To read the rest of the story, go here.

Words To Lead By (And To Live By)

Some of you have probably heard me say that we are all leaders because we influence others daily. I totally believe this.

At my church, we are on a campaign to encourage people to sign up for the Willow Creek Leadership Summit which is what I consider to be the best of the best when it comes to leadership development programs. We know that anyone who attends this will come away deeply impacted and it will help them in their daily lives, no matter what they do for a living. I like to tell others that it is really a summit on how to lead your life.

I recently received this 3 minute video in an email. I wanted to share it because it reveals some incredible leadership principles and, much like the Leadership Summit, it does it in such a way that anyone who views it could benefit. I hope you enjoy! Click here for the video.

The Only Constant Is Change

Doesn't it seem like the only thing that is a constant is change? Everything changes it seems, especially the prices at the gas pump!

Leading a group to change can be very difficult but it doesn't need to be. This simple 3 minute video shares some great truths about leading through change. Check it out here.

Staying on Top

On Friday I discussed the fact that it is hard to stay on top and some of the reasons for that according to John Maxwell.

Today, to conclude, here are some things John says we need to do to stay on top:

HOW TO STAY IN FIRST PLACE

To preserve their first place status, leaders should give extra attention to their passion, practices and people.

Passion
When passion fades, so does a leader's trustworthiness. Gallup conducted a poll in which passion ranked as the leading indicator of credibility within an organization. The results of the survey are hardly surprising. After all, if the leader isn't excited about the purpose of the organization, then why should he or she be trusted? On the flip side, when leaders passionately sacrifice, commit, and invest in their business, they earn the respect of followers and the good faith of constituents.

Passion creates energy. When a leader exudes joy and excitement, he or she magnetically pulls co-workers and customers into a shared vision. Passion is exceptionally strong when linked with a leader's values. When leaders demonstrate principled passion, they are able to appeal to the moral and emotional instincts of those around them.

Practices
Leaders don't rise to the pinnacle of success without developing the right set of attitudes and habits. Healthy habits, practiced consistently over time, will always reap dividends. On the contrary, occasional compromises of values eventually snowball into poor decisions with negative consequences. To keep hold on number one, a leader has to make every day a masterpiece.

People
The best leaders are humble enough to realize their victories depend upon their people. When finding themselves in first place, leaders recognize they are indebted to the ingenuity and talent of those they lead. To stay in first place, leaders have to hand out credit and shine the spotlight on the contributors all around them.

How To Handle A Bad Boss

I am a big believer that everything rises and falls on leadership. I am also a believer that we are all leaders because we are all influencing someone. We are either influencing them positively or negatively.

Most people think about leadership in a work context. While leadership is important in all areas of our lives, I want to talk about it at work for a moment.

Hopefully, you have a heart that wants to lead from a Biblical standpoint--the way Jesus, Moses, Joseph, Paul and other great leaders led (To learn more about this, go here). I understand we all fall down and that is to be expected. However, if your heart is in the right place, that is what matters.

However, how do you handle someone who is not this way? What if they are your boss, and they're a really bad boss? I came across an article by Dimitri Ly that I think you'll find interesting. It contains some good advice on how to handle a difficult boss. I hope you enjoy!

Bad Boss Blues

This is comical and sad at the same time. Did you hear this? The state of Connecticut wants to make it illegal to be a bad boss. That's right. If you are a boss that bullies, you would be breaking the law.

This is comical for obvious reasons. It is sad because lawmakers even need to consider this. This type of behavior is very prevalent. I can attest to it (you can read more about my experience in my book, Bleedership, Biblical First-Aid for Leaders).

This is an excerpt from Hartford Business:

The Senate Democrats have reintroduced an “anti-bullying” bill this legislative session – SB 60 – that would make it illegal for bosses to bully their workers.

On the face of the proposal, it makes sense that bosses should not be allowed to abuse their workers, create a hostile and unpleasant work environment or one that causes physical or psychological harm to an employee.

There are bosses who scream and embarrass. There are bosses who e-mail subordinates at 2 a.m., sending angry communications with the letters all in caps and bolded in a scarlet red typeface.

There are bitter bosses who are angry at the world, unhappy with their own lives, and wrongfully take it out on their staff.

They denigrate their subordinates and inform them of all their faults – real or imagined – in front of an office filled with colleagues.

Bullies can ruin a day on the playground. They can ruin a day at work. That never changes. And of course, it shouldn’t be allowed.

Good places to work do not tolerate such behavior by staff or managers. It lowers morale, increases turnover and, consequently, hurts the bottom line.

However, to make bullying illegal in the workplace requires a definition that is not subject to perception.

Before laughing too hard at this, maybe we need to remove the plank from our own eyes (Matthew 7:3-5) and be the leaders God made us to be.

One Bite at a Time

Yesterday I met with three other guys who each have their own business. We meet once per month as what we call a "Mastermind Group." This term comes form Napoleon Hill's book, Think and Grow Rich and involves like minded people coming together to make each other better.

Yesterday was my day to be on the "hot seat." The hot seat participant is to discuss the issues he is having in his business and to solicit ideas and feedback from the others. It is always very helpful.

During our meeting I presented some information about my Bleedership business/ministry and I received a lot of constructive ideas. On my way back to my office afterward, my head was spinning. I was really in angst about all of these ideas. I felt like I needed to implement them all right now, yet I didn't (and still don't) feel I had the time to do it. This feeling followed me for the rest of the day.

This morning I was thinking about that and how that really applies to me, and to all of us whenever we realize we need to make a change in our lives. We may feel like it is too difficult or will take too much time so we may never do it.

However, I believe God is telling me not to stress about it and to do what I can today and eventually it will be done. True for all of us!

I have heard it said that the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.

Teamwork

Is your team ready to take off and reach new levels of success? If you are the leader, the answer to that question will be "yes" only if you are ready.

This short video will give you some great things to think about along these lines. I hope it blesses you in some way!

Compassion

As you know, I coach my son's 5th and 6th graded basketball team through our local YMCA. This is a travel league, where we play games at other Y's throughout our area. We are not very good and we get beat more than a drum.

Saturday was our last regular season game as our tournament begins tomorrow night. Once again, we were shellacked by a score that was something like 46-5. It seems that in every game we are totally out-classed when it comes to basketball ability and talent (and coaching skills too!). This can be somewhat demoralizing when it continually happens.

At the end of our game, a cool thing happened. The opposing coach came up to me and said, "You tell your team to keep their head up. Tell them we have played together as a team for two years and we are currently playing in three leagues. Tell them they are going to be fine."

A very classy and compassionate thing for him to say.

I passed this on to our team and I think it helped. I know I was encouraged.

He didn't need to say what he said. But he chose to be bigger than his ego. He chose to use the opportunity to build others up by showing compassion and understanding. A terrific example!

Seek First to Understand

In the home group my wife and I host, we are focusing on ways to build up our marriages. The study we are doing now deals with communication. I think just about every couple in our group agrees that communication is a major issue in their marriages--I know it is in my marriage.

One of the sessions we focused on was seeking first to understand before being understood. I first heard this from Stephen Covey in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It is a great concept that follows Biblical principles. If we can all do this with everyone we communicate with, imagine how much better our communication would be.

In addition to improving communication, doing this is a great way to show the love of Christ to others. Try it today, even where you work!

By the way, I think what is mentioned in the video may be going a little far in seeking to understand.