Seek First to Understand

Stephen Covey, in his best-selling book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People mentions seeking first to understand before trying to be understood as one of those 7 habits. This is very good advice. How many people do you know who are truly great listeners?

I'll bet those who you think are great listeners are held in high esteem by you. Wouldn't you like someone to be able to say that you are a great listener?

It truly is easier to be understood after you listen to the other person first. Have you tried it lately?

I challenge you to try it today. In fact you will probably find your frustration level dropping as being misunderstood can be frustrating. And, as leaders, we need to step up to improve communication all around us because it is so important.

This is much needed as it is so easy to be misunderstood as these church bulletin announcements prove:

• Ushers will eat latecomers.
• She sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving much pleasure to the congregation.
• Sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. Sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
• The patient is having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
• Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell " to someone who doesn't care much about you.
• A letter to the men’s fellowship reads: "All members are requested to bring their wives and one other covered dish to the annual banquet."
• The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
• Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
• Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
• The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
• Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
• Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Trustworthiness

Peter Drucker, one of the best known thinkers and writers of our day had this to say about leadership:

"You know, I was the first one to talk about leadership 50 years ago, but there is too much talk, too much emphasis on it today and not enough on effectiveness. The only thing you can say about a leader is that a leader is somebody who has followers. The most charismatic leaders of the last century were called Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Mussolini. They were mis-leaders! Charismatic leadership by itself certainly is greatly overstated. Look, one of the most effective American presidents of the last 100 years was Harry Truman. He didn't have an ounce of charisma. Truman was as bland as a dead mackerel. Everybody who worked for him worshiped him because he was absolutely trustworthy. If Truman said no, it was no, and if he said yes, it was yes. And he didn't say no to one person and yes to the next one on the same issue. The other effective president of the last 100 years was Ronald Reagan. His great strength was not charisma, as is commonly thought, but that he knew exactly what he could do and what he could not do."

To read the rest of what he had to say, go here - I highly recommend reading this!

Winning the Battle but Losing the War

Have you ever found yourself fighting real hard to win an argument, then after winning it you feel like you made a mistake. You realized that it really wasn't that important to win that argument...your relationship with the other person is more important.

The same is true when dealing with customers. In a recent survey, 98% of all dissatisfied customers said they were not dissatisfied because of a quality problem with the product or service purchased. In 98% of the cases their dissatisfaction was related to their perception of how they were treated by the people they dealt with.

One more time... note that they said their perception of how they were treated not how they were treated. This is very significant. It means that in some, maybe many of those cases, the employees involved actually treated the customers fairly, courteously and tried to do the best they could. However, what they did is not the issue. It's how the customer perceived what they did that counts.

Customer service diplomacy has to do with controlling the customer's perception. In other words, being right is not as important as winning in the relationship with the customer. This tells us that the #1 reason why businesses lose customers is their perception that they were treated discourteously or unfairly by the company's people with whom they interacted.

Disrespect

Ray Lewis, who is the fiery linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens is upset with his coach because of the plays he called at a critical part of their game last weekend. This is what he said in the Baltimore Sun:

"We knew he (Willis McGahee) should have touched the ball when you have a fourth-and-one," Lewis said. "Old-school football is old-school football. If there is a yard I need to get, there is a running back, a fullback and an offense that is meant to get that.

"You can't make oranges be peaches. It doesn't change. It will never change. That's what Billick has to ask himself, why we keep putting ourselves in those situations. In the Cincinnati game, that cost us with those same decisions."

I don't know about you but this bothers me. I think this shows total disrespect for his coach, Brian Billick. It's OK to be upset, but he should have gone directly to his coach and talked with him about this rather than airing his complaints in the national media.

By the way, this isn't only for pro football players. We sometimes do the same thing where we work.

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over." Matthew 18:15

Enjoying The Journey

I have been one who has had a tendency to be very goal oriented in an unhealthy way. I would say, "As soon as this happens then I will be happy." Well, of course, even when that did happen, I would say, "OK, that happened, now as soon as this other thing happens, I will be happy."

As you can see, this is never ending...and pretty unhealthy.

God has really been working on me in this area and I have found myself enjoying the journey more and more. A small way that has been evident to me has been through some time I have spent in my car this week.

In NW Ohio and SE Michigan, I had read that because of the amount of rain we received and when we received it, the colors on the trees this fall would be incredible. Well, the colors are amazing. I have found myself just mesmerized by the trees as I have been driving. I find myself thanking God for the show He is giving me.

Enjoying the journey... Pretty cool stuff...for me at least.

Donuts With Dad

This morning, I attended "Donuts with Dad" with my son Robbie at his school. These are always fun events where I get to see many other dads I have not seen in a while. It is also a nice excuse to indulge in a donut or two. But it is especially fun because I get to spend that time with my son.

This morning was a little extra special for me and I can't say for sure why this is. Maybe it is because on our way out the door, my wife Connie reminded me that this would be my last Donuts with Dad since Robbie will be in junior high next year. Maybe it is because the donuts were extra fresh and very tasty. But I think it is because I really enjoy being with my son and our bond is growing deeper, especially over this last year.

On my way into the office this morning I was thinking about how these times, times we spend with loved ones are so special. We don't get any rewards from our boss for this. We don't receive financial bonuses. But we are doing something much greater--we are building up those who are in our care--and that is the greatest work we can do.

Not my Plans

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. James 4:13-16

I had great plans for this morning. I was going to get up early, work out, spend some time with God and get to work early. I had a lot to catch up on at work so I was excited to get my day going.

On my way to my basement, I heard a loud sucking noise coming from the area where our sump pump is. The crock was dry and the pump was running so I obviously had a problem. I unplugged it and did my workout and God time and returned to plug it in--hoping for a miracle and that it all of a sudden would be working again.

That was not the case so I trudged off to Home Depot to see if they would replace it since I had only purchased it 15 months earlier. I paid extra for this particular sump pump because it said "Lifetime Warranty" on the outside of the box. However, upon closer examination of the owner’s manual I noticed it said 12 month warranty which did not make me happy.

At 7:00 AM I arrived at Home Depot and explained my situation and as told that I can go get a new sump pump. Now that is customer service!

I got home and replaced it with not too much difficulty. But, my plans to get off to an early start were shattered. Once again, I think God is showing me that although I would like to be, I am not in control!

Our Owner's Manual

My wife and I are part of an awesome home group through our church that meets every other Sunday evening. In our time together last night, we talked about what the Bible means to us. One person described it as our owners manual and I think that is a great description.

As Christians, the words in the Bible are God's Word spoken directly to us. The solutions to all of life's situations and problems are contained therein, including issues we may have at work.

I just read this morning some interesting survey results from George Barna about what percentage of people believe the stories in the Bible to be literally true. The results might surprise you and may even encourage you. Go here to read more.

Excellence

Does this describe you?

We are commanded to be a light to the world...and that includes at work. By bringing excellence, or at least the absolute best we can do, into everything we do, that will help our light to shine. That will set us apart and maybe even prompt someone to ask, "There's something different about you, what is it?"

In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16

Our Power

There is a story told of a woman who went to a jeweler to have her watch fixed. The jeweler disappeared to the back and soon returned with it running perfectly. Surprised, the woman asked how he could fix it so soon. He told her it only needed a new battery. "Battery? Battery? Nobody said anything about a battery. I've been winding it every morning!"

I received this story from Dr. David Jeremiah in an email devotional. While it seems silly, this is they way many of us live our lives. We take things into our own hands without realizing the power we have through the Holy Spirit. I know I am guilty of this very often.

With God's help, I am committed to listening and being open to the guiding of the Holy Spirit in my daily activities. So will you join me?

But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you . . .Acts 1:8a

Someday I'll

I love reading stuff from Zig Ziglar. He always seems to make some great points in ways that even I can understand. Here is another one...

One time we were keeping Timmy, a young cat with a long, fluffy tail for our granddaughter, Sunshine. Somehow he went missing and we spent a considerable amount of time and energy looking for that cat before he was found. That's typical. Most people pull out all stops to recover a pet or a treasured relationship. We would "do anything" to change some things or to have them back.

Question: Doesn't it make sense to pay more attention to friends, relatives, and families whom you love? Are you really too busy to make the phone call, drop a note in the mail, get together for a meal, go for a quiet drive or a long walk, and invest a little time to show that love? Question: Why don't you just make the time?

I don't have a definitive answer, but I believe that in most cases it's more a question of procrastination than of deliberate neglect. We work at a frantic pace and come home to relax. Before we realize it, we've spent several hours relaxing in front of a television set that presents us with programs that make us no happier, healthier, nor give us greater peace of mind.

Don't misunderstand; I believe some TV can be good and can offer company and comfort to shut-ins. But those things are not as important as spending time with those we love and cherish. Most of us plan to do exactly that "someday." But "someday I'll" is a seductive mistress. Deep down we know that our actions this year will parallel our actions of last year and catch us falling back on the old saw of, "I'll call you later," or, "Why don't we get together for lunch?" etc.

Solution: Do it now. We have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow or even an hour from now in our own lives or in the lives of those we love. However, we do know that if we take action now to reinforce or mend some of our relationships, we'll look back with gratitude and say to ourselves, "You know, I'm really glad I took the time."

Message! Spend time with those you love. One of these days you will say either, "I wish I had," or "I'm glad I did."

Attitude

I recently read something by Chuck Swindoll which is probably not new to anyone, but I believe it to be so true and I thought I would share it:

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, gifted ability, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace from that day. We cannot change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing that we can do is play on the one string that we have, and this string is attitude. I am convinced that life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I react to it. And so it is with you…WE ARE IN CHARGE OF OUR ATTITUDES.

Leading When Things Aren't Going Your Way

In Bo’s Lasting Lessons, authors Bo Schembechler and John Bacon relate a story from Bo’s early days coaching. He learned a lesson about leading when the heat is on from his boss from his boss and mentor Ara Parseghian that he carried with him the rest of his life. Here's that excerpt:

The following season, 1956, I left Doyt [Perry] and Bowling Green—with his blessings—to become an assistant for Ara Parseghian at Northwestern University.

Ara was not a big ego guy, he was great with players, he was a wonderful motivator, and he understood the game so well he could come up with things no one else had thought of. He was probably the most imaginative coach I’d ever seen, always adapting his plays to his players instead of the other way around like most coaches do. Heck, we used to call his practice field “The Laboratory,” because that’s where he’d try every trick in the book on Mondays, testing this and experimenting with that, just to see what might work that Saturday.

Before Ara arrived, Northwestern hadn’t had a winning season in five years, but in his first year Northwestern went 4-4-1, and everyone was encouraged. But in Ara’s second season, 1957, everything went to hell. We lost nine games—every single game we played! For a coach, that’s just about the most difficult situation you have to face.

We could keep our opponents down to one or two touchdowns, but we couldn’t score for our lives. And I was working with the offense!

Losing creates all kinds of other problems too—poor morale, nagging injuries, lackluster effort. The players were spending more time in the PR office than in the weight room. It was just a mess. I never experienced anything like that in all my years of coaching—and thank God for that.

I learned an awful lot from Ara in my first year at Northwestern, but I learned a heckuva lot more from him that second season, when he lost ‘em all. And what I learned was how a real leader leads when things aren’t going his way.

Ara treated the staff as though we were winning every game. He never gave the slightest inclination that we were the problem. He not once blamed any assistant or any player fro any loss we suffered that year. NOT ONCE.

“Stick with it, guys, and we’ll get through this,” he’d tell us. “We’re going to be okay.” We all kept busting our butts for Ara, working past midnight, doing everything we could to get that guy a victory.

I’m not saying there wasn’t some bitching among the players. When you’re losing every game, every player thinks he deserves more playing time. But I promise you this: There was a whole lot less bitching on that team than I’ve heard on teams that won half their games—and there was absolutely no, but no, bickering among the coaches.

To read the rest including how Ara led with integrity, go here.

Sabbath

Last night I had the privilege of dropping my brother-in-law off as his sponsor for the Walk to Emmaus (based on Luke 24:13-35). This is an incredible 72 hour experience of rest, fellowship and seeing and experiencing God's love like never before.

As I drove the one and a half hours home last night, I was aware of how tired I am. As I type this I am also reminded of this as I have just returned from my weekly men's group meeting that meets at 6 AM every Friday.

I believe God is teaching me that I don't need to get everything done. I don't need to solve all the problems of the world. He is also teaching me I need Sabbath--a time of rest and rejuvenation. After all, this Sabbath thing is not just a suggestion from God, it is a commandment.

Loyalty vs. Competence

Loyalty is a very good quality. However, when it is placed above competence, that can be a very bad thing for an organization. That is a sure way to kill morale.

Have you ever worked for someone who valued "the good ol' boys (or girls)" over those who were actually doing what they were supposed to be doing? Have you ever done this yourself?

Humility

...Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought,but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Romans 12:3b

Most mornings for the past 30-40 days, I have been reading Romans 12 and then meditating on a verse that stands out to me that morning. Some days, nothing really jumps out but then other mornings I feel like God is putting flashing neon lights around something He wants me to learn.

This morning was one of those mornings.

The verse above jumped off the page at me this morning. I know God was trying to get my attention and show me I needed to get off my high horse--my feeling like I am so important. You see, I have realized that I like to impress people. When I realize I have done something with the sole purpose of trying to impress others, I now feel sick to my stomach.

As a result, I think I am getting better...but I think God is telling me I still need to work on this...especially in my marriage!

How does this relate to you?

Our Work - God's Work

I received this in a devotional sent to me from my church today:

We were not saved so that we could then go out and prove ourselves worthy. Instead, we were saved and given the gift of worthiness by grace so that we would be freed to fulfill the workmanship that God intended all along. Our work has nothing to prove. We work under grace. Our work is good not because of what it does, but because of who designed it. My competencies are God's workmanship in me. He wants me to use them. He expects me to "walk in them." Doing that is a "good" even if it does not fit into our warped legalistic preconceptions of spiritual significance. The last thing He had in mind giving them to me was to put me under a guilt trip. Grace, not legalism, should define our work.

So often I hear people say how great it would be to be in full-time ministry. Well guess what? We all ARE in full time ministry. What we do everyday, day in and day out has eternal ramifications. There are so many who do not know Christ that you interact with everyday. You may have been placed in their path to show them the love of Christ so that they may come to know Him.

Fear of Embarrassment

I was watching ESPN this morning while eating breakfast and they were talking about the New York Yankees and their win over the Cleveland Indians yesterday to make the series 2-1 in favor of the Indians. The commentators were interviewing a sportswriter from New York and he said that the "word" was that if the Yankees lose this series, George Steinbrenner (the Yankees owner) would fire the Yankees manager, Joe Torre.

He went on to say that George does not like being embarrassed and that someone would pay for that embarrassment--namely Joe Torre.

My initial reaction was to be appalled at George Steinbrenner. How he can he hate to be embarrassed so much that he would fire someone over it?

Then God reminded of all the times in my life where I have done something out of fear of embarrassment rather than doing what was right.

The Inmates Running the Asylum

Baylor Professor, Robert Marks

A professor at a Christian university (Baylor University) has been forced to remove his research from the internet which challenges Darwin's theory of evolution and helps to further prove the existence of God's design. This according to an article in Christian Business Daily:

"As many of you have heard, Marks, a distinguished professor of electrical and computer engineering, has been conducting research that ultimately may challenge the foundation of Darwinian theory. In layman's terms, Marks is using highly sophisticated mathematical and computational techniques to determine if there are limits to what natural selection can do," he wrote. "At Baylor, a Christian institution, this should be pretty unremarkable stuff. I'm assuming most of the faculty, students and alumni believe in God, so wouldn't it also be safe to assume you have no problem with a professor trying to scientifically quantify the limits of a blind, undirected cause of the origin and subsequent history of life?

"But the dirty little secret is university administrators are much more fearful of the Darwinian Machine than they are of you," he said.

"Here's what's going on: Somebody within the scientific community let [Baylor dean Ben] Kelley know that Marks was running a website that was friendly to intelligent design. Such a thing is completely unacceptable in today's university system – even at a Christian institution. Kelley was probably told to have the site shut down immediately or suffer the consequences," Ruloff said.

"What are those consequences? The ultimate penalty is to have Baylor marginalized by being designated as not a 'legitimate institution of higher learning.' So designated merely for the 'crime' of allowing Neo-Darwinism to be questioned, since conventional elitist wisdom holds it's no longer a theory but an inviolable truth."

My first reaction to this is that this is like the inmates running the asylum. How can this university operate out of a position of fear like this?

Then it hit me that probably all of us operate out of fear on a regular basis. I hate when I have painful realizations like this. Oh how I need God!

A Company of Lies

I read an article in Christian Business Daily about a company that helps people to lie better. Yes, that's right...

This company proudly offers its value proposition. Some examples of its services are as follows:

Virtual Employment: If you want to appear to be employed — no problem. The company will create the ruse for you.

Pretend You Are Anywhere: If you want to appear to be in a particular location other than where you are — no problem. The company will create the illusion for you.

Rescue Call Services: If you need to be rescued from a bad date, a dull meeting or some other commitment — no problem. The company will create and deliver an excuse for you to leave.

Having a Discreet Affair: If you want to have an extramarital affair and hide it from your spouse — no problem. The company will create the necessary cover to facilitate your sin.

Pretty sad.

In a Fast Company article about the virtues of telling the truth in business, someone said, "Once people get through to the truth, they fall in love with it."

Now there is a novel concept!

Pet Peav

In the current issue of Fellowship of Christian Athlete's monthly magazine, Sharing the Victory, Jake Peavy of the San Diego Padres had this to say about Christians being labeled as weak:

“That drives me crazy,” he said, excitement building in his voice. “We need to win. I mean, God has given us this talent to go out and use it. The Lord wants us to be as competitive as we can be in the right way. But I think the way we’re supposed to play this game is the way it’s meant to be played, and that’s hard. But, there again, it’s playing the right way—to not show anybody up and to not get carried away and use some of the language, but to play the right way and be role models to our teammates. It’s OK to say, ‘Hey, you can be upset that you made outs. You can be upset that you lost, but handle it in the right way.’ I think that’s all part of being a Christian athlete.”

I could not agree more. And, this is not confined to the athletic field--it is true of our everyday lives at work and at home. We were born to win, so let's work that way!

Young Life Example

I just left a meeting with the area director for Young Life in our region and one of Young Life's greatest supporters. We talked about a lot of things, but what really made an impression on me was their heart for serving Christ.

There were no agendas, no pride on display, no attitudes of superiority. Just trying to humbly serve God.

On my drive in to the office, I thought about how often I do that...humbly serve God with no agendas, no pride, etc... The painful truth is that I can't say I do that all the time. I sometimes have agendas and I certainly have pride that gets in the way.

This twenty-something Young Life leader taught me much in this short meeting.

Learn to Lead

CIO Magazine writes about some of the ways good people can become bad bosses. One of the ways mentioned has to do with refusing to learn new things:

"By refusing to learn or get involved they distance themselves from understanding any practical issues and difficulties of a department. Instead of being in a position of saying, “Here is how you do it, or let me show you how,” they will start covering their lack of knowledge through devious means as they become insecure and incompetent. Obviously that means entering into dirty waters like indulging in politics..."

As leaders, we need to be on the lookout for opportunities to learn from every situation and every person who crosses our path--even those who give us a poor example. We also need to read books on leadership, attend conferences and hang out with those who are better than us. This is how we will become better. We owe this to ourselves and to those we lead.