Thursday, August 13, 2009

Church Bulletins

It's time for a good chuckle...I hope you enjoy!

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
----------------------------------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
----------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a schedule conflict.
----------------------------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
---------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
---------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I Will Not Pass This Way Again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.They need all the help they can get.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
---------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
---------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
---------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
---------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
---------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
---------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
---------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - Prayer and medication to follow.
----------------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
----------------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
---------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
----------------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
---------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
-------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge...Up Yours'

Aren't you glad you're not the only one who makes mistakes?

No comments: